It’s a night of less-than-thrilling ‘Idol’ filler

Deciding that the nine hours devoted to the seven audition cities just wasn’t enough, Fox presented a special best-of edition of “American Idol” on Wednesday night. “Idol” is guaranteed to put up huge numbers every time it airs, while the other networks have nothing but whatever they can come up with that doesn’t require the striking Writers Guild. It was an easy call for Fox to make.

While some time was devoted to singers who were good enough to make the cut but not quite telegenic enough to get on the air with the rest of the people from their audition city, for the most part it was the Simon Cowell show. Apparently the editors saved his best barbs for the bonus footage.

It began with the first performer, Luke Reeder. All Simon could say after his performance was “Everything was slightly mad.” That’s a cliché for the British judge, but his put-downs got more creative as the show wore on.

Poor Tiffany McCampbell sincerely believed that her voice was a gift from God and “Idol” would allow her to share that gift with the world. The latter did prove to be true, thanks to this extra-special bonus hour, but if God was involved in her singing of “Hallelujah” it was only because she shouted so loud that her vocals were probably audible in Heaven.

“Does he have a return department? If I was given that, I’d give it back,” Simon said.

Bizarre love triangle
Focus then turned to a trio of auditioners who took the stage in Charleston, S.C. It had all the potential of one of those sordid stories that wind up being made into a major motion picture starring Lindsey Lohan and the CW hottie of the week, but everyone was too bland and boring to make that work.

Identical twins Chris and Cory Lane came to sing along with Ashley Lawing. Lawing said she had originally dated Chris, and then Cory called her behind his brother’s back and things went downhill from there. Except that it doesn’t appear as though Lawing has driven a wedge between the two men, since they both auditioned together.

The Lane twins chose to use their audition time to challenge the Brittenum twins from last season. Freestyling with lyrics like, “We look the same. Kind of like the Brittenum twins, but not as lame,” it would have taken an extraordinarily glorious mood from the judges to allow them to advance. That did not happen and they were sent outside.

Lawing then entered for her chance, carrying a puppy small enough to fit in a pocket. Simon was instantly captivated.  

“I’m going to steal your dog,” he said.

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“As long as you put me through to Hollywood, you can have whatever you want,” she parried.

It looked promising, but sadly she did not sing well enough for Simon to even consider what he might ask in exchange for a golden ticket. “Can I be honest with you? It was excruciating,” he said, to her disbelief, although they all said they would put the puppy through.

Adding insult to injury, as she was getting the bad news, the Lane brothers were outside talking to Ryan Seacrest, saying that Lawing wasn’t a very good singer and would probably get cut. That’s the problem with having two boyfriends … when they’re mean, they’re twice as mean.

Extra success stories
True to its season-long theme, the show also gave significant time to those who made it through to Hollywood. In most cases, however, it was apparent that there was a reason they were left on the cutting-room floor and salvaged only for this clip show.

INTERACTIVE Simon says Sometimes the best part of “American Idol” is the latest sly comment from acerbic judge Simon Cowell. Here are some of our favorites from this season.

The most impressive performances came from two men taking advantage of second chances.

Chikezie Eze tried out last year and was sent packing, because as he reminded the judges, “you wasn’t feelin’ me.”

“You ready to change that?” Randy Jackson asked.

“What do you think I’m here for?” Eze responded.

And he did. Simon didn’t think his voice was very interesting, but Eze made it through anyway, giving Simon a few weeks between that audition and the Hollywood round to learn how to pronounce Eze’s name.

Nerves were to blame for Danny Noriega’s flameout a year ago, but the 17-year-old swore that this season things would be different. And they were, as he did a powerful rendition of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Proud Mary” and easily advanced.

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