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Remedies for your in-flight ailments
Bad breath
Bring your toothbrush on board and use it whenever you use the lavatory. (Remember, your toothpaste tube must contain less than 3 ounces to clear security.) If you don't have your toothbrush, chew the parsley on your meal tray — if you get a meal, that is. If someone offers you a mint, don't get huffy, but accept it as a possible hint.
Bug bites
Rub a slice of raw onion on the sting as soon as possible, and if it itches, apply a tiny dab of — believe it or not — hemorrhoid cream. I tried it and it works great.
Toothache
Swish a small amount of Nyquil around your mouth in the area of the pain. Nyquil is good for many of my ailments, and I always carry a 3-ounce bottle with me when I travel.
Gas
Try drinking a cup of hot water, and if there is any apple cider vinegar around, take two teaspoons of that, too. If you get a meal on the flight, ask for extra oil-and-vinegar dressing on your salad. The vinegar should calm things down.
Nosebleed
Pinch the nose firmly, but not hard, at the bridge of your nose just below the bone. Do not tilt the head back, as this makes the blood flow down the throat and will give you an upset stomach. Hold the pinch for two to four minutes until the bleeding stops. Do not blow your nose as this will open the clot and cause the bleeding to start again.
Stinky feet
If you can smell your feet a little bit, then so can other passengers around you. If people start wadding tissues up their noses or turning their air vents on you, put your shoes back on.
Insomnia
One glass of red wine and a typical in-flight movie are usually enough to put me out, but if sleep doesn't come easily for you and you aren't taking sleeping pills, try melatonin. It is a natural remedy that induces sleep without side effects like grogginess. It's not habit-forming, but there may be mild side effects like headaches. You can purchase melatonin at most health stores.
Indigestion
One remedy for the food I serve you on board is to take a teaspoon of baking soda with a glass of water. It may taste disgusting but it is quite effective. Of course, most people don't carry baking soda with them on an airplane trip. Another effective remedy is to drink a can of soda water and swallow a small amount of mint toothpaste. And as far as meal choice goes, if you are having trouble deciding, go with the no-fly, no-eat rule. Cows can't fly but chickens can. I have witnessed very few cases of in-flight food poisoning caused by our fowl friends.
I once flew with an Asian flight attendant who told me his secret for never getting sick when flying. He heats up a mixture of apple cider vinegar and honey at home, and then carries it with him on every flight in a small flask, adding a small amount to every water bottle that he drinks. Of course, I was interested, so I tried his all-around preventive treatment, and in the past three years I haven't been sick once even during the cold and flu season.
I hope some of these suggestions will help. If you have any other tips, send them to me.
Fly safe and suffer no more.
James Wysong is a veteran flight attendant who has worked with two major international carriers. James recently released a new book, “Flying High With A Frank Steward: More Air Travel Tales From the Flight Crew.” For more information about James, visit his Web site or send him an e-mail.
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