‘Idol’ night one puts focus on the positive

Let the derision commence
Of course, this wouldn’t be “Idol” without the ritual mocking of the delusional and the untalented, and the show provided that as well.

Udgeet Sampat butchered “My Way,” and eagerly awaited his feedback.

“Did you actually think you had any chance of winning?” Simon asked.

“Yes.”

“Well, you’re not.”

Alexis Cohen, a 23-year-old from Allentown studying to be a vet, understatingly said, “I march to the beat of a different drummer.”

No kidding.

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Cohen’s version of Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody to Love,” didn’t wow the judges, with Simon saying, “It was all a bit possessed for me, like she’s channeling the voices.” Still, the judges all said she could find success in a ’70s cover band. It was only after she left the room that Simon compared her looks to Willem Dafoe when he played the Green Goblin in the “Spider-Man” movies.

But Cohen was not happy. “He’s a big fat bad word,” she said of Simon, before actually saying that bad word. “I will leave with my dignity,” she promised. And then she flipped off the cameras and ranted her way home.

Christina Tolisano tried her best to match Cohen’s diatribe. The Princess Leia blamed her exit on her looks.

“They all look the same and sound the same,” she said on her cell phone, as the producers showed a montage of the celebrating contestants. “They need more diversity out there. They need something different for this show, and they’re not allowing it.”

If she had only come dressed as Queen Amidala ...

Too old and too bad
The city also validated the show’s decision to keep the upper end of the age limit at 28.

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Somehow, 39-year-old Milo Turk was allowed to perform and sang an original, “No Sex Allowed.” Though too old for the contest, perhaps he could wind up writing the winning single for this year’s winner.

Paul Marturano won’t get that chance. The 32-year-old wrote a love song and dedicated it to Paula. With lyrics like “I broke into her house, when she wasn’t there / Took off all my clothes and tried on her underwear,” he’s a good bet to be in jail by the time the season finale rolls around.

Tour guide James Lewis sang “Go Down Moses” like he was having a hard time staying awake, and the judges cracked up. But even then, Paula apologized for laughing.

But the award for the most painful exit went to Ben Haar. The 27-year-old showed up in a cape, and underneath was a costume that revealed way too much chest hair. Haar was told to wax his chest hair and come back. He did, but sang just one note before getting the boot.

Even when they’re in a good mood, the judges’ tolerance has limits.

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