Couch potato’s guide to Thanksgiving viewing

Best place to act like a kid while claiming to do a pop culture survey
Nickelodeon is celebrating the 15th birthday of its in-house animation studio with the first episode of every series ever produced for the channel. The true classics are on early in the morning, including the original “Doug” (rarely seen here since he defected to the Disney Channel) at 6 a.m., the legendary/infamous “Ren and Stimpy” at 7 a.m., the awesomely designed “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” at 8 a.m., and the underrated “Angry Beavers” (with the great voice work of Nick Bakay and Richard Steven Horvitz) at 9 a.m. And when the occasional truly lame cartoon shows up (sorry, “Catdog”), you can switch to Cartoon Network for today's best toon (for kids), “Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.” Or to Toon Disney for the more recent adventures of Disney's classic character, Goofy.

“15 Years of Nicktoons” on Nickelodeon, Thursday 6 a.m. to 7 p.m.
“Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends” on Cartoon Network, Thursday 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.
“Goofy Movies/Goof Troop” on Toon Disney Thursday 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.

There are worse things than being stuck with your family
MSNBC presents 17 straight hours of its prison documentary series “Lockup.” Use it to help scare straight someone you love. But leave the scary shower scenes to Hitchcock.

“Lockup” on MSNBC, Thursday Noon to Friday 5 a.m.

Meanwhile, outside the lockup

Erin Siegal / Reuters / Reuters file Vincent D'Onofrio stars in "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." USA Network will air a “Law & Order” marathon from Thursday at 6 a.m. to Friday at 9 p.m.

There are enough crime procedural show marathons, fiction and non-fiction, to keep any armchair detective glued to their seat all Thursday and Friday. To keep things straight, A&E's “Cold Case Files” has the true stories, TNT's “Cold Case” has Kathryn Morris. And A&E's “The First 48” should have been titled “Hot Case Files.”  On Friday, A&E's “CSI: Miami” marathon will show you how many times David Caruso can whip off his sunglasses in 20 hours. Then, for a change of pace, Saturday night it's all three “Godfather” movies. But USA tops them all with 39 straight hours of alternating “Law & Order” spinoffs: “Special Victims Unit” one hour and “Criminal Intent” the next, all immediately and inexplicably followed by the movie “Elf.”

“Cold Case Files” on A&E, Thursday 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.
“The First 48” on A&E Thursday 8 p.m. to Friday 4 a.m.
“CSI: Miami” on A&E, Friday 8 a.m. to Saturday 4 a.m.
“The Godfather Trilogy on A&E, Saturday 4 p.m. to Sunday 4 a.m.
“Cold Case” on TNT, Friday Noon to Midnight
“Law & Order:SVU/Law & Order:CI” on USA, Thursday 6 a.m. to Friday 9 p.m.

Maximum couch potato-age
ESPN, surprisingly short of football games until Southern Calif. vs. Arizona State at 8 p.m., will give you a chance to cheer on competitors in a sport where you play sitting down — unless you're the type who paces furtively when you're all-in. It's the final seven hours of the “2007 World Series of Poker Main Event.” They could've given you 16 straight hours, but even without a smoke-filled room, there's only so long you can survive at a poker table. Spoiler: The winner is not the Red Sox.

“World Series of Poker” on ESPN, Thursday noon to 7 p.m.

For the few who haven't eaten so much you're about to burst
Wisely, the Food Network scattered its various Thanksgiving Dinner shows over the past week and finished the last one at noon. Their only marathon this weekend features "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" on Friday, so you can cheer on 10 hours of competitive cooking on "Top Chef." And if the winner of this one has Red Sox, it's tomato sauce.

“Top Chef” on Bravo, Thursday 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.
“Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” on Food Network, Friday 3 p.m. to 10 p.m.

It must be a fabulous fashionable Friday
That's when TLC is marathoning its (totally non-surgical) personal makeover show “What Not to Wear” and MTV is replaying a full season of “America's Next Top Model.”

“What Not to Wear” on TLC, Friday 9 a.m. to 10 p.m.
“America's Next Top Model” on MTV, Friday noon to midnight

Just for pun
Proving that the military has a sense of humor, or at least the Military Channel does, it's 10 straight hours of shows about tanks, including the “The Top Ten Tanks,” “Tank School” and four “Tank Overhauls,” restoring classic war machines. Get it? Tanks-giving?

Tanks on Military Channel, Thursday 7 a.m. to 5 p.m.

The marathon that can be summed up in one word
Why?

“The Jamie Kennedy Experiment” on G4, Thursday 6 a.m.-6 p.m.

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