Money meltdowns
When her mortgage was in arrears, Diandra Alarcon, 26, a staffing coordinator at a career placement agency, decided to pawn her car for cash. “As I realized paying the pawn loan would be an additional $387 per month, I cried, feeling as if I would never be able to pay it off,” recalls the Fredericksburg, Virginia, resident. You don’t need a mortgage to have cash concerns bring you to tears, though. Living paycheck to paycheck, finding out your identity has been stolen or needing to scrape together cash for a surprise car repair can send anyone into a tailspin. “Money is the number one stressor for Americans,” says Hall, who is also founder and CEO of the Stress Institute in Atlanta. “There’s a shame associated with money stress. If you had a medical illness [or marriage problems] you’d reach out to others for help. But for some reason, money problems are too embarrassing for us to talk about.” Here’s how to destress.

Develop a solid plan
Whether your accumulated debt is from overspending or an unpaid loan to a friend, once you design a plan to tackle your cash flow problem (by having a garage sale, going for debt counseling, or finding a new job), you’ll feel less worked up. “If we can get our minds to thinking about problem solving-instead of dwelling on our situation-it makes most of us feel better,” explains Stacy Shaw Welch, Ph.D., director of the Anxiety & Stress Reduction Center of Seattle.

Do just one thing
Time is money, so the sooner you can kick-start your game plan, the better. “Many people find when they’re overwhelmed that making a list and doing the first thing on the list can really reduce stress levels,” says Welch. So if your get-out-of-debt solution is to save more, step one can be calling your bank to arrange for $25 to be automatically deposited into a savings account each pay period.

Relationship blues
Relationships can be tough, whether you’re busy trying to make one work or just out there looking. “Women generally are going to feel interpersonal stress more,” says Welch. “It’s partly our culture and partly biology. We’re the caretakers. Being more interpersonally oriented helps us deal with stress but can also cause it.” So how do you manage the tension that arises over everything, from who’s going to finally tackle the tower of laundry you both created to why you got into an argument in the frozen food section of the grocery store? Tips on dealing:

Divvy up tasks
Who’s responsible for which chores is a classic relationship problem. “What’s for dinner?” and “Where did all the forks go?” have been known to kick off their fair share of arguments. “You have to find time to sit down and talk about the division of labor, even if that labor gets farmed out to someone else like a housekeeper who comes in once a week,” suggests Neal-Barnett. “Be creative.”

Take stock
Figure out if your relationship is healthy enough to stay in. “Ask yourself, If I saw someone else being treated the way I am by my mate, what would I do?” suggests Neal-Barnett. “Or If I were braver, what would I do?” If your relationship isn’t supporting you and helping you become the person you want to be, it might be time to leave.

Health hazards
Maybe you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while and the disappointment of getting your period each month has you frazzled. Or you’ve been diagnosed with diabetes and get tense every time you go to find something to eat. Stress can make an already troubling health situation worse by elevating your blood pressure, your heart rate and even your glucose or blood sugar levels. What’s worse, some conditions — like obesity — can trap you in a vicious cycle: You’re unhappy that you’re obese, so you stress-eat to feel better, thus gaining even more weight. Some ideas:

Put wellness first
“I encourage women to start the day by meditating or praying,” advises Porter. Meditation has the power to slow your heartbeat, lower your blood pressure, and decrease anxiety, according to some studies. A morning walk at a local track or a mall before the stores open can also do the trick. “You’re reframing your priorities by choosing health first,” says Porter. “And you’re decreasing the likelihood that you’ll eat a doughnut or pick up a heavy meal that day.”

Make health a no-brainer
Save time by regularly ordering healthy groceries online from your local supermarket or delivery services like Peapod or FreshDirect. Book a personal trainer so you’re less likely to miss exercise. “Workout activities that help induce weight loss also are stress reducers,” says Neal-Barnett. In addition, they release endorphins that can take you beyond feeling calm to feeling joyous.

For more articles like these, visit “Essence” magazine’s Web site, www.essence.com.

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