No ovation for ‘Dancing with the Stars’ game

So, I went home, set the difficulty to professional, and prepared to get my clock cleaned. Which I sort of did. But not because the footwork got that much trickier —  I noticed maybe a slight uptick in the difficulty level and the dance speed. What kept me dancing the same stupid waltz over and over was that I now needed a higher score — 24 total  to advance. That means impressing Carrie Ann, who is a real stickler for perfection. Back to Ree.

Me: OK, so now it’s harder. Carrie Ann won’t give me anything higher than an eight. But then she’ll tell me that we’re “so sexy out there.” What the hell does that mean?

Ree: It means she knows squat about the waltz. Just do what the TV viewers do: talk back to the screen! Remind Carrie Ann that she’s a former Fly Girl and knows less about ballroom moves than Tom Bergeron. It won’t do any good, but it’s oddly satisfying. What’s head judge Len like?

Me: He’ll say something like “Sometimes, you seem to have lost the shape of your body” and then give me an eight out of 10. I don’t know how to parse that information.

Ree: Abstract advice followed by a decent score? Sounds about right. And, hey, if you give a performance worth about a six and he gives you an eight, it’s almost like you’re a real celebrity. Dare I ask about Bruno?

Me: He always gives me high scores. But he also says strange things, like “That dance was like a fruit cocktail. You threw everything in!”

Ree: Ah, Bruno, bless him. Just like in real life he’ll give glowing praise if for no other reason than to make himself sound snappy and cool. You go, Virtual Bruno!

I’m almost embarrassed to admit this, but “Dancing with the Stars” is kind of fun. I can see putting this in at a party or mixed-age gathering and it being a real hoot. Even my husband, whose tastes run to twitchy first-person shooters and zany Nintendo games, played a few rounds with me.

To its credit, “Dancing with the Stars” has a really easy learning curve. It’s best to try a few practice rounds to get the hang of it, and definitely read the enclosed handbook. The fact that the amateur setting is so easy is pretty indicative that the target audience here is not the hardcore gamer.

And good thing, too: If I were to review this with my gamer glasses on, I’d really hate this game. The graphics are pretty bad. The characters are glassy-eyed and stiff, and afflicted with unfortunate computer-generated hair that looks like sea kelp undulating underwater. The controls are flaky — sometimes the system didn’t pick up my movements at all.

But maybe that won’t matter to the target audience for this game, which is, according to Activision, the fans of the show. Again I turned to Ree to tell me whether she thought the game I described might be a hit with the hardcore “Dancing” audience.

Me: So, the characters don’t look like the real-life people, you don’t really get to dance and the game in basic mode is just that, pretty basic. What do you think?

Ree: Honestly, I think most fans will pass on this. Sure, the show is cheesy and fun, but it’s also about shimmering glamour and “the dance.” Sounds like the game lacks those elements. I’m going to say this is more suited for the mega-fans — the folks who want everything related to “Dancing with the Stars.” They have the t-shirts, the programs from the touring show, the Emmit Smith bobblehead doll and, now, a mildly amusing, memorabilia-worthy Wii game.

MORE FROM ON THE LEVEL

On the Level Section Front

Nintendo adds cameras, music playback to DS Is ‘nerdcore’ hip-hop on the rise? 'Spore' is Will Wright's latest game-changer How to get your girlfriend into gaming Pink slips in the Teflon-coated games biz Wii're already fit, thanks These games really push our buttons Meet the man behind the Wii Can the video game hot streak last? Do we really need E3? On the Level Section Front   Add On the Level headlines to your news reader: