‘Housewives’ needs to take a trip to the morgue

Katherine
Man, did you see that big ol’ gash on the floor of Katherine’s house? Girlfriend can wield an axe. Or somebody can.  Katherine’s odds for a mortal struggle at some point this season are higher than any of her neighbors’ — and on Wisteria Lane, that’s saying something.

Let’s count who Katherine has honked off since she came back to town, shall we? It’s a lot of people, is all, not to mention some potential enemies in Chicago, the Official Exporting City of new “Desperate Housewives” characters.

A Katherine-cide is more in line with the recent “Desperate Housewives” style — insert new character, delete when no longer useful — but since her integration and established past with at least some of the cast members, sending her down a convenient elevator shaft might carry some dramatic weight.

Edie
Oh, so close. The scarf was there, the chair kicked away.

Now that Susan has the rest of the cast to give her reality checks (Bree: “Not everything’s about you, Susan!”  Lynette:  “You can’t just cute your way out of this one.” Mike: “Let it go.” All of America: “SHUT UP, SUSAN!”), Edie’s work here is done. Her other “Desperate Housewives’” function — to jog into a scene, snark and trot off again — has been replaced by the writers’ need for someone to muck up Gabrielle and Carlos’ fun time.

Is she merely waiting around for Orson and Tom to become available, seeing as she’s been through everybody else in the neighborhood? Edie would have laughed very hard in the first season at the suggestion of blackmailing an otherwise involved man into a relationship. Where’d you go, Edie? Her character might be better served leaving Wisteria Lane the way most of the neighborhood has — in a body bag.

And as long as we’re going to killing Edie, don’t forget her stylist.  Those were some serious roots she was sporting as she dangled from that rafter.

While the writing team appeared to take a risk by hanging Edie at the end of that flimsy little scarf last season, the residents of Wisteria Lane have been too safe for too long. Sexcapades and crashing teen keggers don’t carry the emotional wallop of the first season or, for instance, the brilliantly executed shock of the third season’s “Bang!”

We knew Nora wouldn't be hanging around for long, we just didn't expect her to go “Pulp Fiction”-style. It wasn't the violence of the moment, it was the careful execution of the execution. Fans were fully expecting a near-Scavo breakup, not a complex scene in which Lynette's mouthiness brought about what she may have wanted most, but in a way she never expected. The writers’ willingness to expend a troublemaking, interesting character brought the season out of cliche and into compelling television.

The greatest dramatic release comes not from manufactured drama, but from that which leads naturally from the characters’ value and place within a larger framework. And so for the good of the Lane, finish Edie off. The real estate values just ain’t what they used to be.

Mary Beth Ellis runs BlondeChampagne.com from the Washington D.C. area. Her first book, Drink to the Lasses, was released in 2006.

MORE FROM TELEVISION

Television Section Front

‘Glee’ really gets losers, mean girls Oprah won’t bring current talk show to cable Oprah visits White House for Christmas special ‘Monk’ star Shalhoub calls finale very satisfying Source: Stephanopoulos offered ‘GMA’ job ‘Friends’ co-stars reunite on ‘Cougar Town’ Muppets making a comeback online and off Williams marks 5 years as Nightly News anchor Romano tries drama in ‘Men of a Certain Age’ Reality TV section Television Section Front   Add Television headlines to your news reader: