Little stowaways: Bugs on planes

By James Wysong

Travel columnist

updated 1:02 p.m. ET Oct. 16, 2007

James Wysong Travel columnist • Profile • E-mail

Insects are a fact of life, and while they aren't normally a factor in the airline industry, every once in a while they manage to stow away on an airplane. Maybe you've seen some or — more likely — maybe you've seen a flight crew spray down the cabin with insecticide.

Are the insects dangerous? Sometimes.

Are the insecticides dangerous? Ah, that's a better question, but before I answer it, let me tell you my 10 favorite stories about bugs on airplanes, gathered from 20 years of flying as a flight attendant and listening to other flight attendants' stories.

1. Roach coach. I loved flying for Pan Am, but toward the end, maintenance began to slip and the cockroaches started to take over (no, I don't mean the senior management). On one flight from Paris to New York, the crew couldn't open a single container without several cockroaches falling out. We had to cancel the meal service and one crew member did a tap dance in the rear galley, killing 22 cockroaches — an in-flight record.

2. Honey, take cover. A flight from South America was canceled when the air vents were found to house hundreds of stowaway bumblebees. The problem only became evident when the pilots turned on the air and the flight attendants had to flee to the terminal building.

3. Buzz off. I once had to write up a report on a case after I witnessed a passenger swatting a wasp. The wasp landed in the lap of another passenger and stung him three times. That passenger was allergic to wasp stings and had to be rushed to a hospital.

4. Flea market. An airline received many complaints of flea infestation from passengers and crew members who reported a higher-than-normal incidence of onboard itching. They were awarded bonus frequent-flier points for the inconvenience (the passengers, not the fleas).

5. Don't be so crabby. A passenger brought a lawsuit against an airline, saying she had contracted a case of crabs during a nine-hour flight on one of its airplanes. The case was dismissed because it was difficult to prove exactly where she had picked up her little companions. Too bad crabs don't carry passports.

6. Chicago swarm. Every 17 years, swarms of cicadas come out from underground and wreak havoc for a short period of time. Though rather ugly and loud, the cicadas are harmless, but the sheer numbers of them caused trouble at Chicago's O'Hare airport a few years back. Stepping out onto the tarmac to board an express flight was a crunchy experience, and my wife, who is a pilot, reports that her windshields were covered with bugs by the end of the take-off roll. After landing, she says, the outside of the airplane looked like a pizza with everything on it.

7. Ants in your pants. Several passengers were treated for fire-ant bites after flying on a international flight that was carrying infested cargo. The airplane had to be taken off-line for a week and fumigated, and the total estimated cost of the mishap was $1.2 million.

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8. Patriotic duty. On a military charter during the first Gulf War, the crew was told halfway through the flight that the troops onboard were reporting a high incidence of head lice. When we were presented with lice kits upon arrival, we realized that the airline had known about the situation all along, but decided not to tell us about it until we — and the lice — were airborne. All in the line of duty.

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9. Little Miss Muffet. A rare and expensive spider that was being transported for a convention escaped its container in flight. A determined passenger administered a firm newspaper swat, and the $10,000 spider did not make his convention in one piece.

10. Ticked off. On a flight to London, my wife and I sat behind a man who seemed to have a tick on his neck just below his hairline. We didn't say anything in case we were mistaken. I mean, what if it was a mole? But it bugged me the whole flight and I know I would have wanted to be told. What would you have done?

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