Other parents, the enablers, are guilty of spoiling their child, and continue to carry this behavior well into their child’s adult years. They do their child’s laundry, clean her room and give her daily wake-up calls — despite the fact that she is old enough to be living on her own.

Somewhat related are the tied-at-the-hip parents. These parents are saddened by their child’s independence and miss the close connection they felt when their child depended on them entirely. They often consider themselves to be their child’s best friend, and probably suffer more separation anxiety than their child. Once the child does leave, they may feel a lack of connection with their spouse, and they strive to remain in constant contact with their child despite the distance.

Finally, some parents simply serve as lobbyists, who view themselves as the school’s clients. They will not hesitate to contact administrators or even the president’s office to discuss policies, share ideas or get involved in their child’s education in any way they can.

Of course, the most balanced of all parents are the ones who simply hover from afar, willing to step in when necessary but who, most of the time, recognize and encourage their child’s need to forge his independence.

Advice for the helicopter parent
So what is a helicopter parent to do? If you find yourself exhibiting some of the classic helicopter qualities, it may be time to back off. In order to encourage your children’s independence, refrain from constantly coming to their rescue. Listen to their problems and support them when necessary, but allow them to come to you for help rather than constantly getting involved on your own. Also permit your children to make their own decisions without always giving your advice first. If they’re especially nervous about a paper or job interview, offer to go over their resume or work — but only after they have completed it themselves. Ask your children to be responsible for doing their own laundry, cooking meals or scheduling appointments when in college. It’s also important that you do not contact professors, administrators or employees on your children’s behalf.

Your children won’t learn to do things themselves if you do everything for them, so recognize that unless it’s something your child truly can’t handle on her own, she’s better off figuring it out herself. Struggling with conflict and hardship is all a healthy part of life, and if we don’t start trusting our children to handle their own affairs, they’ll never learn to trust themselves.

There comes a point when as parents, we just have to let go, hoping we've taught our children well enough that they have problem-solving skills, without always relying on us to set things right.

Copyright Mom Central, Inc. 2007, all rights reserved.

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