When shopping and spending go too far

At a recent Debtors Anonymous meeting in the Seattle area, nearly a dozen people gathered in a comfortable, cheery side room at a Lutheran church. They sat on leather couches and cushioned chairs, and some brought knitting projects and snacks along with them.

The night’s discussion turned again and again to vagueness — about how tempting it was for pretty much everyone in the room to remain deliberately unclear about their true money situations.

“I’m Stacy, and I’m a recovering debtor,” a woman in the group ventured.

“Hi, Stacy,” the rest of the group replied.

“When I feel anxious, I don’t want to track my spending,” Stacy confessed. “I don’t want to know.”

“Vagueness — boy, do I relate to that,” one man said when it was his turn to share his story. “Over my life, I’ve just been living paycheck to paycheck, not making enough to thrive, not enough to buy clothes — except maybe from Value Village (a nearby thrift store). … I’ve been really good about tracking my numbers, but a spending plan? I haven’t really gone there.”

Other confessions emerged as the evening went on. A woman named Jean who’s saddled with about $20,000 in debt and relies on the bus for transportation admitted that she took a taxi three times in the past two weeks — possibly because of a time management problem.

Another woman opened up about her impulsiveness. “I want what I want when I want it. I know I need to change that.”

A man named Mike said he’s struggling with so much debt that he sometimes finds it difficult to buy food. He talked about a recent dark day: He had received a letter notifying him of his need to pay nearly $700 more a month in child support to the mother of a child he never sees.

The letter sent him into a tailspin. And what did he do? He went out to the store and bought a power drill. He completed a quick project at home with the drill — and then felt so guilty about the purchase that he returned it.

Near the end of the meeting, a young woman who’s new to the group talked about the bind she’s in. A year ago, she sold a house that she had bought in 2004 and made good money in the process — so much so that she didn’t have to work and she was able to spend more time with her daughter.

“I had more money than I ever dreamed of in my account,” she said. “I had this grand plan of how I was going to live … and it could have worked if I wasn’t such a compulsive spender.”

She said had just finished pulling her financial details together and felt “shocked” by how much debt she had accumulated. Her windfall from the house was gone, and even though she was thrilled that she had just landed a job, she knew she wouldn’t see her first paycheck for at least two weeks. Her cell-phone bill was due the next day. How was she going to pay it?

She also was feeling guilty about taking her two cats to the vet the other day without being able to pay for the care they received. She had told the vet up front about her inability to pay, and she was assured that she could cover her bill later. It turns out that her cats had pneumonia and really needed the care — but it also meant that she had taken on yet more unsecured debt, something she had promised herself to stop doing. And when was she going to be able to pay the vet back?

“I’m freaking out right now,” she said. “Quietly, inside my head, I’m freaking out.”

At the end of the meeting, two women spoke with the new, stressed-out member and gave her some tips. What could she sell in her house for cash? Books? What else? Could she call the cell phone company, explain her circumstances and set up a payment plan?

As for the unsecured debt incurred at the veterinarian, maybe she could give the vet some form of collateral, such as a valuable vase or another nice object from her home. That way it would become secured debt instead of unsecured debt.

“Wow. That’s a really good idea,” the woman said. “Seriously, thank you so much for that.  I’m so glad I came tonight.”

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