Hey Paris, want to help Rwanda? Stay home!

Miki Turner Entertainment writer

Wow. Paris Hilton has awakened from her short midsummer nap and no one could be happier than moi!

As of this morning — and the day is young — she’s been spotted club-hopping with some hot 20-year-old Swedish dude who delivers pizza. (Insert the joke of your choice here, but keep it clean.) His name is Alex Vaggo and he reportedly loves being around her because she’s so focused and intelligent.

The pizzas he delivers must be radioactive.

Additionally, her clothing line is out in stores across the land. I’m not sure how well it’s selling but I did see a whole stack of her signature T-shirts in Macy’s yesterday. I would have bought one, but I had already maxed out my card buying lingerie for Britney.

Hope she likes Hanes.

Hilton also has been in the news lately because she’s shooting a new film. It’s called “Repo! The Genetic Opera.” Gosh, that’s a dandy title. I can’t wait for the bootleg! Apparently it’s some futuristic rock horror opera thingie about people purchasing new organs on installment plans. If you miss a payment, say goodbye to your new kidney.

None of those things are really newsworthy, but few things about Hilton ever are.

The breaking news this week, however, was that Hilton told E! Online that she was going on a good-will mission to Rwanda. That news sent shivers throughout my body. In what appears to be an effort to make good on her promise to use her fame for good, Hilton told the Web site:  “There’s so much need in that area and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help.”

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Paris, wanna know what you can do to help? Stay home! Haven’t the poor Africans have suffered enough? And, correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you busted (on tape) using the N-word a couple of years ago? Bail out! Let Britney go. She needs a change of scenery and there’s probably at least a handful of Africans who have heard of her.

But here’s the thing. It’s not like the genocide in Rwanda and the AIDS epidemic throughout Africa is breaking news. Others have gone before her and heeded the call of a continent in distress.

Maybe she was too busy partying in her previous life to notice those huge relief efforts like “Live Aid” or the “One” or Gap “Red” commercials.

Secondly, it’s been rumored that she’s trying to adopt some kids. If that’s the case Hilton should know that it’s been rumored that the Africans have some kind of pact with Angelina Jolie and Madonna. They get first dibs on kids from all countries south of the Sudan and east of Nigeria.

Rwanda falls within those parameters. Darn the luck.

OK, I know I’m being a little mean, and I’m all about giving someone a second chance — even though Hilton has already dipped into her surplus — if they come correct.

The celebrities who do the most good in Africa — like Don Cheadle, Bono, Brangelina, George Clooney and others — don’t make major announcements about it. They just go and do what they’ve been led to do without a camera crew trailing them. In the six years in between “Rush Hour 2” and “Rush Hour 3,” Chris Tucker has been quietly making pilgrimages to Africa and putting his money where his heart is. And no one knew a thing about it.

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Conversely, celebrities who are trying to repair their images, more often than not use Africa as their cause du jour and that just makes me sick. They spend most of their time in hair and makeup preparing for the photo op.

Please. Write a check, get the tax break and be done with it.

The one thing about Africa, however, is that whatever experience you have there stays with you. You can’t see that kind of suffering and not be eternally affected. The last time I was there, Kenya was in the midst of a drought and the Daily Nation was full of colorfully written obituaries about people under 30 who had died from AIDS. Additionally, there were thousands of young homeless orphans aimlessly roaming the streets of Nairobi.

Yet, still my people smiled.

So even though I believe Hilton is making this journey for all the right reasons, she is deluding herself by thinking she can bring attention to the plight of the Rwandans because she’s an overexposed American celebutante. I’m hoping that this experience will make her realize that she’s only an icon in her own mind.

The Africans are suffering but they’re not stupid. They know when they’re being used. The best thing she can do for them is hook them up with her new boyfriend.

Pizza anyone?

Miki Turner is an entertainment columnist for MSNBC.com. She welcomes your comments at .

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