My flight as a pack mule

6. Exercise crowd control. Do not let your children run around the airplane unattended. You are responsible for their safety and well-being — not the flight attendants.

7. Wipe, wipe, wipe. Don't leave home without sanitary wipes and wipe down everything you can — especially the fixtures in the airplane lavatory. Airplanes are a hotbed for germs, and the last thing you want is for Junior to come down with a cold on the first day of your vacation.

8. Don't just sit there. If your child can't stop yelling or crying, get up and walk to the back of the airplane. Nearby passengers will appreciate the break, and you owe it to them to remove the screams for a while. Even if there is no tantrum, it is probably a good idea to change the scenery from time to time.

9. Consider sedatives. Many parents swear by certain medications and sleep remedies for children. Because of legal liabilities I cannot suggest any, but ask your child's doctor for his opinion and recommendations.

10. Be ready for altitude changes. The air pressure on your child's eardrums is not only painful, but can also be frightening, especially at 2 years of age. It might not be easy to get your child to drink from a bottle to clear his ears, so I recommend giving him a lollipop when the plane first starts to descend for landing. One warning: Once children get hold of a lollipop, they will not let go. In fact, they use their special Lollipop Death Grip until it's gone.

If you can, travel with your spouse. As much as I poke fun at my new role, young children really do need a pack mule. I have seen mothers with three children under 3 years old traveling alone, and it is just stress unlimited.

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Our trip to England went very well and my fears of a scream-filled flight did not materialize. I am not going to lie to you, it is tough work — and we had only one child. But because we were prepared, we were actually able to enjoy ourselves a bit. I even thought of starting a Pack Mule Frequent-Flyer Club, but thought I would wait until baby No. 2 shows up.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about James or his books, please visit his Web site or e-mail him.

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