Paris, Lindsay got nothin’ on Bobby & Whitney

Miki Turner Entertainment writer

Silly me, I thought we had seen and heard the last of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. After all, they were divorced and had seemingly moved on with their lives. Houston, 44, had been spotted with Ray J, a man nearly 20 years her junior whose main claims to fame were that he was Brandy Norwood’s baby brother; and that he had produced a sex video starring himself and Kim Kardashian.

It’s hard out there for a pimp. Aspiring directors have to start somewhere.

And Brown, 38, who hasn’t had a job since like the George H. W. Bush administration, was linked with just about every female in the Northern Hemisphere — most notably notorious video vixen Karrine Steffans.

Aspiring playas have to get it when and where they can.

So, it was a little surprising to see the stars of “Being Bobby Brown” back in the news last week for reasons that sound suspiciously like the premise of a new reality show, “Bawl Bobby Bawl.”

Brown, who has been summoned to court several times for being a deadbeat dad to his other children from a previous relationship, filed a lawsuit against Houston nearly two weeks ago in Orange County, Calif., stating that his former wife was standing in the way of him seeing their 14-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina. According to the papers filed, Brown says he has not seen or spoken to his daughter since early June and that he had “no prospect of speaking to her anytime soon because of Whitney’s actions.”

Perhaps Brown should get his baby girl an iPhone then make her promise to call him at a certain time like Alec Baldwin did with his kid. And if she fails to do so, he can get leak the voice mail he left her to someone who cares.

Prior to his suit against Houston, Brown — who as you know hasn’t worked steadily since the Internet was in its infancy — told a judge in April that he was spending up to $10,000 a day for hotel expenses for his wife and daughter while Houston was rehabbing in the O.C.

“I was basically living out of my car,” Brown claims.

She worked hard for his money
OK, so he was doing what a man is supposed to do — taking care of his wife and child, but with her money! And he has a problem with this because …

Conversely, Houston, who was granted sole custody of Bobbi Kristina in April, testified during that same month the man she once proclaimed was the king of R&B was instead fickle and unstable. But she now denies trying to keep him apart from their child.

Who knew? Houston did tell Diane Sawyer the truth. Crack is whack.

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But aren’t you kind of glad Bobby and Whitney are back? I know I miss those days when they made frequent appearances on the nightly news. They were always immensely entertaining.

And, I also miss seeing them in prime time. Not only was “Being Bobby Brown” the first reality show I TiVo’ed every week, but Houston also introduced me to my favorite catch phrase, “Ah hell to the naw!”

And didn’t you love how raw, real and relatable it was? I have such vivid memories of myself during my tween years standing outside my parents’ bedroom door, pleading with them to stop having sex because it was sooooooooo not cool, as Bobbi Kristina did. That child is going to need serious therapy.

It was also refreshing to see how some celebrities — like Houston — treat their fans when the reality show cameras are rolling. I suppose, “Get them the hell away from me,” could qualify as some form of personal acknowledgement, yes?

All together now, say it loud: Crack is whack.

Drug busts, rehab ... they had it all
Try as they may, Paris, Nicole, Lindsay and Britney have nothing on Bobby and Whitney. They’re just young amateurs with rap sheets. The only things they’ve really been convicted of are impersonating real celebrities and overexposure.

Court appearances, jail stints, alcohol and drug rehab, drug busts at the airport, alleged infidelity, constipation, simulating sex acts on stage and public beefs with media personalities. It’s no wonder Bobbi Kristina tried to keep her folks from procreating on the show.

For her sake I hope Bobbi Kris is old enough to remember when her mom, a six-time Grammy winner, was the reigning queen of R&B and pop. Or when her dad, an original member of New Edition, was a successful Grammy-winning artist in his own right.

They may have been a little whack back then, too, but at least their talent overshadowed all the craziness.

Houston is purportedly working on a comeback CD with her mentor Clive Davis. I can’t wait to hear it. Although her chops aren’t what they used to be because of the cigarettes and weed, I bet she can still hit some notes that most of the new kids can only reach technically.

I fear that Brown, however, has become too much of a caricature of himself for anyone to take seriously. He’s one of those ex-boy band cats who was never a great singer, but had some smooth moves and knew his way around a good beat. His best bet is to try and snag a role on the British version of “Big Brother” like Jermaine Jackson did.

I’d give anything though if Bravo brought Brown back on the air with or without Houston. There’s just something uniquely gratifying about reality that is really real — and whack.

Regardless, I’m sure Brown and Houston will be bringing their drama to a TV set near you soon.

Miki Turner is an entertainment columnist for MSNBC.com. She welcomes your comments at

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