Getting over the emotional pain
No matter whether he wanted it, she wanted it or it was a mutual breakup, there's no such thing as a divorce free of emotional pain. A mutual decision leads to the easiest recovery, but this is rarely the case. Sometimes there are feelings of deep betrayal because of an affair, or because promises and commitments have been broken. For both, the emotional consequences can be very painful.

Mandel says it's important for a recently divorced woman to understand what type of emotions to expect:

1. Expect a range of feelings
   Understand and recognize that it's normal to have a full range of feelings, regardless of the circumstances, such as betrayal, guilt, sense of failure, abandonment, rejection, anger, despair, hopelessness, fear of the unknown and relief.
   
   Betrayal is often the most difficult. If there's been cheating going on in the marriage, there's a betrayal of trust and confidence. There can be any number of betrayals — fidelity, financial, responsibility, having a partner believe you're someone you're not.
   
   
2. Take time to heal
   Don't jump into another relationship. When we haven't resolved feelings from a dissolved relationship, we're likely to flock to the same kind of partner the second time. First, take responsibility for your mistakes. Learn from them to prevent creating the same kind of scenario.
   
   We have this notion that time heals all wounds or that you need half the time of the failed relationship to recover. But that's the wrong way to think about it. We need to actively heal our wounds. Time is in our favor if we are actively healing, rather than just sitting around waiting for things to get better. Learn to forgive, let go, move on.
   
   Signs that you're over it: You're no longer bitter, able to own your own part in what went wrong. You don't put all men in the category of being jerks; you like men. You feel hopeful. You have a sense of lightness.
   
   The time frame varies. If you don't feel you're healing after six months or a year, approach self-help or move up the ladder to support group or a therapist for a couple of sessions.
   
   
3. Expect the aftermath to linger
   Divorce aftermath can last a long time. Sometimes you're divorced even before custody and financial issues are resolved. If you're raising kids together, you continue to be connected to your spouse long after divorce is over. You will be placed in circumstances that cause you to relive the experience of living in the marriage. When in these situations, don't personalize how your ex is responding. It's not about you, but how he responds in that situation. Accept and deal with how this person is behaving, and don't let it get to you. Accept this is now, and part of the aftermath. Don't expect a neat ribbon and bow when you get those papers finalized.

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