The flight from hell

In fact, when we got to the end of the runway, the captain made an announcement informing us that we would be returning to the gate because of a warning indicator light concerning the left engine. Three hundred passengers growled in their seats. Some cried. Others yelled. Two hours later, we finally took off, praying for an uneventful flight, which somehow we knew was unlikely.

Halfway through the meal service, we discovered that 60 percent of the entree dishes were empty. We could only hand out the trays, which consisted of a salad, a roll and a melted dessert. We gave away all the crew meals, but were still short. Two hours after that, the audio system malfunctioned, so nobody could hear the movie or the music. We then discovered that none of the toilets in the economy section would flush, so everyone had to use the four lavatories in first class and business class. A line formed on each side of the plane, starting in first class and stretching to the middle of economy, blocking the aisles.

The stench of the backed-up sewage was nothing compared to the insults that were being thrown at us. At one point, I couldn't take it any longer, so I hid in one of the broken toilets, just to get away from the abuse. I was a grown man hiding in a toilet from an angry mob. The stench became intolerable, so I put on my bulletproof face, emerged from the smelly cubicle and tried not to let the rude comments bother me. One of my colleagues actually quit in the middle of the flight and remained in the cockpit for the duration. In fact, she had a nervous breakdown and never flew again.

Each hour seemed like an eternity, and the passenger abuse never ceased. We reached our destination, only to join a holding pattern for two hours. Finally, the captain declared an emergency priority landing, and the airplane limped into the gate. We were desperate to put this catastrophe behind us, but lo and behold, the Jetway broke, and it took another 45 minutes for the ground crew to pull up the temporary stairs to let the angry mob go free.

All the flight attendants hid in the bathrooms so they wouldn't have to smile and say goodbye to all the passengers as they deplaned. All but me, that is. I wasn't fast enough, and all the toilets were taken, so I was forced to take more abuse. Everyone was furious. I mentally flinched at every comment.

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"I'm never flying this crappy airline again," many said as they stormed off the plane.

The only response I could offer was: "After this flight, I wouldn't either."

A little old lady was the last to get off. She smiled at me, handed me a quarter and said, "You tried your hardest, and I know it wasn't easy. Thank you, sonny."

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I nearly burst into tears at that very moment. It was truly the worst flight of my career. When I got home, I opened a bottle of red wine and lay in a hot bath for three hours.

Now it's your turn. If you've had a miserable flight and can somewhat laugh at it now, please e-mail me the agonizing details. In fact, let's make it a contest. Prizes will go to the best stories of air travel misery received by August 15.

James Wysong has worked as a flight attendant with two major international carriers during the past fifteen years. He is the author of the "The Plane Truth: Shift Happens at 35,000 Feet" and "The Air Traveler's Survival Guide." For more information about James or his books, please visit his Web site or e-mail him.

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