Return to work not easy for stay-at-home dads

Eve Tahmincioglu • Profile • E-mail

I recently wrote about how stay-at-home moms may be committing career hara-kiri if they take too much time off from work to raise kids and do nothing to update their skills. But it appears men who make the decision to become stay-at-home dads may be in even more career hot water.

Men have the added problem of trying to return to work in a society that just doesn’t get why they made the decision to leave a budding career in the first place. Even though women face similar discrimination, experts say, society is more accepting of moms making such a choice. Men, on the other hand, are thought of as “unmanly” when they decide the become nurturer and take time away from the traditional hunter role.

It starts before men even leave the workplace, says Armin Brott, author of “Fathering Your School-Age Child: A Dad’s Guide to the Wonder Years, 3-9”, and he also has a Web site called mrdad.com.

“In our culture, we look at work and family issues as women’s issues and don’t acknowledge men have at least the same kind of concerns about their families. And the additional thing we dump on them is that so much masculinity is tied up in our salaries and professional accomplishments. When you disconnect from that, are you a man anymore?”

Men put this pressure on themselves, and their working wives often do this as well, not fully accepting the uncommon family structure, Brott adds.

The feminist movement was supposed to open the world to such role reversals, but alas it’s been a tough sell at home and in the workplace.

“Men face more prejudice when they decide to return to the workplace than women do. In fact, some companies have a lot of prejudice, so many men simply take vacation leave instead of Family Leave when a new baby comes. They know it would affect their career promotional path to advertise loudly ‘family is first’ in many companies,” says Robin Ryan, career coach and author of  “What to Do With the Rest of Your Life”.

The number of stay-at-home dads still pales in comparison to women who make that choice, but the numbers are growing.

Nearly 160,000 men stay home with their kids today, almost three times the number that were staying at home just ten years ago, according to the U.S. Census. And many more men would take on the role, experts say, if there wasn’t so much macho baggage out there.

After my column on stay-at-homes moms came out, dads emailed me demanding equal time.

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