Moms' road back to work often bumpy

Eve Tahmincioglu • Profile • E-mail

Much of the debate over whether women should become stay-at-home moms is focused on what is best for the child. But little thought is given to what is best for mom, especially when it comes to her future career, economic and personal well being.

Unfortunately, opting out can come back to haunt some women.

One former stay-at-home mom who lives in Doylestown, Pa., says she regrets her decision to leave her work life behind.

"In 1986, I started my career as a computer programmer and moved to management easily when I was in my 20s. Due to my husband’s career goals and lack of good child care I choose to stay home and felt it necessary to choose my kids as my new career."

"Now I wish I hadn’t and will teach my four daughters to never leave their careers behind," she says. "My husband left me after 16 years of marriage."

She was thrust back into the workplace, and while she found a position she liked initially it now looks like it’s a dead-end job, causing her to wonder: “Is it harder for a woman in her 40s to get a good-paying job after having not been in the workforce for a while?”

Alas, it can be. I get quite a few letters from stay-at-home moms who never thought their decision to opt out of their careers would hamper their ability to re-enter and thrive in the workforce.

Women are often blindsided when they’re confronted with the realities of the workplace after opting out, says Leslie Bennetts, author of "The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?" Women re-entering the workplace encounter a host of obstacles, including everything from ageism to a “very strong negative bias” against former stay-at-home moms by both male and female managers, she says.

Women need to understand what they may face if they choose to give up their careers, especially those women who do little to keep their skills up to date or educate themselves during the years off, she adds.

“If you add up all the risk factors it instantly becomes clear that the majority of women who give up careers to stay home will end up on the wrong side of the odds," she says, pointing to the 50 percent U.S. divorce rate. “If you stay home for 10 years you are compromising the other 60 years of your adult lifespan for the sake of your children, jeopardizing the family’s economic survival and certainly jeopardizing your future,” she says.

While Bennetts acknowledges the workplace has a long way to go in terms of offering both men and women the flexibility they need to make balancing kids and work easier, things will never change if women just hit the road.

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