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Welcome to the smelly skies
From B.O. to you-don't-want-to-know — tips to cope
 | With the summer heat sweltering, being up close and personal with your flightmates can get stinky. |
Rigelhaupt Samuel/sipa / Sipa Press |
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Here are some sources of bad airplane smells, along with some advice on what to do about them.
The pits. If you've ever been on a full 747 flight to the Far East, then you've undoubtedly been hit with a sharp blast of body odor. In fact, armpit odor is hard to avoid in many countries of the world where antiperspirants are not widely used. The best advice I can give if you're trapped next to stinky pits is to put a dab of lotion with your favorite scent under each nostril. Every smell is transformed into a pleasant one. Crew members often share and compare lotions, and they say the most effective scent by far is lavender.
As for you gringos who've been using deodorant since junior high, there's no excuse for an extreme case of body odor, and I don't care how hot it is. Take a shower at the airport, buy some deodorant at the gift shop, or change shirts if you have to -- just don't come aboard smelling like a skunk.
Bad breath. Fresh breath isn't really noticeable but bad breath can be downright paralyzing. How many times have you been on an airplane and a person five rows back yawns and makes you feel like ripping off your nose? There are plenty of excuses for halitosis -- everything from an abscessed tooth to alcoholism -- but whatever the reason, it stinks. I admit I have been the culprit in many odoriferous conversations. In fact, an ex-girlfriend once told me in mid-sentence that if I spoke one more word, she would faint. I got the hint, but there are nicer ways to get the point across.
My advice for better onboard breath is:
1. Bring a toothbrush on longer flights and brush every time you use the lavatory.
2. Chew gum or suck on breath mints. Gum is usually more effective, and it lasts longer.
3. Look for signs that you have dragon mouth, e.g. people talking to you but breathing from the side of their mouths, people scowling at you, or you laugh out loud and the person next to you passes out.
4. Give and get the hint. If someone offers you a mint, take it; they are often dropping you a hint. Conversely, offer offenders a mint and be persistent; if they decline, tell them that they really need it. I know I would want to know.
Smelly feet. These days, we know that a shoe can be used as a deadly weapon, but here I am talking about the actual foot as the weapon. If you suffer from the old curse of stink foot, an airplane is not the place to shed your shoes. I once worked a flight where a passenger's feet smelled so bad I thought he had backpacked across the entire Himalayan mountain range without ever washing them. The smell was beyond description. When he refused to put his shoes back on even after people started to get physically sick, we had to get the captain to threaten police action. He eventually complied.
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