Bonds even makes Dubya look good
Suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback and recent rookie wrestling entertainer Adam “Pacman” Jones, denying to HBO’s Bryant Gumbel that he was, as Las Vegas police described him, the “inciter” of a February strip club fight that resulted in a three shootings, one that left a man paralyzed: “I never touched anybody in that ... I never hit no girl. I never told any one of them that I was going to kill them. ... I can’t tell you who this person is in the world. I never seen this guy, he’s never been around me. I don’t even know who this is. ... Well, if anybody know this guy, please turn him in to the Las Vegas Police. I would thank you for doing that.”
Translation: “It wasn’t me, but let me tell you, whoever did this, I will not stop until I find him. I’ll search golf courses all over the country and get that criminal. That’s the standard NFL player baloney innocence claim, right? See? I’ve done my homework.”
New York Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez, still recovering from the shoulder surgery that has kept him out of big-league ball since last year, after his latest rehab assignment in the minor leagues: “I feel like my pitches are improving, but I can’t tell you how good I am until I get a big-league hitter out. This is rookie ball and A-ball, and they are scoring three, four, five runs on me. I am not really looking for strikeouts. I am actually working on pitches, where do I want pitches to fall, what specific zone I want in my pitches and forget about the kids.”
Translation: “Don’t worry, America. It won’t be long before your favorite diamond diva is back throwing at hitters, pushing senior-citizen coaches to the turf during brawls and offering bizarre, often unintelligible post-game commentary. And yes, the Yankees are still my daddy.”
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