MySpace: A place for candidates

Helen A.S. Popkin

The Republican Party may have more candidates, but as a whole, they attract far less MySpace friends than the Democrats. Democrats also have more social networking affiliations and 100 percent MySpace saturation.

Ree

Overall MySpace comprehension, as well as the ability to build a MySpace profile that doesn’t totally suck, still varies from candidate to candidate, no matter which party he or she represents.

Part II: The Republicans

Sen. Sam Brownback, Kansas (R)
"The Official Sam Brownback Myspace"
Age: 50
Star sign: Virgo
Friend count: 8,674
Comments: 533

Best comment: “Go!”—I Love Rubber Duckies (who leaves it open for interpretation.)

Interests: Loads, and Christian-themed.

Other social network memberships:
Facebook
Flickr
YouTube

Even with DSL, this clunky, graphic-intensive profile takes a minute to fully load. The connection-offending factors include (presumptuous?) White House wallpaper and thumbnail images to help voters navigate a section titled “Brownback on the Issues.“ Examples: include “Immigration” (waving flag), “Taxes” ($20 bills), “Gun rights” (guns), “Life” (baby). Sam's profiles theme song (“Carry on My Wayward Son” by Kansas) does not load automatically, a thoughtful option for voters viewing from work.

Ree: Please note that, along with more superfluous thumbnails, Sam includes at least one Christian-themed item in each of his “interests.” Movies: “Passion of the Christ.” TV: “Touched by an Angel.” Books: "the Bible." Heroes: “Mother Teresa.” I find this somewhat antithetical to the blatant Mitt Romney bashing in his “press release” section. Though props to Sam for being the first candidate to throw down on MySpace.

Helen: I appreciate Sam taking the time to tell us personally who he’d like to meet (us!), but that “Unfortunately, due to the high volume of emails I receive, I am typically unable to respond to your MySpace emails.” And yet he understands that we, the voters, are busy too – and provides user-friendly picture icons which eliminate the need to actually click through and read where he stands on the issues. Take the “Marriage” image of a (dude) groom kissing a (chick) bride – a picture says a thousand words!

***

(Former) Gov. Jim Gilmore, Virginia
"The official MySpace page of Jim Gilmore"
Age: 57
Star sign: Libra
Friend count: 1710
Comments: 109

Best comment: “LOOK I KNOW I HAVE A QUSTIONABLE PAST BUT IM NOT THAT GUY ANYMORE SO WHAT DO YOU SAY LET ME BE YOUR VICE PRESIDENT. I CAN SEE IT NOW GILMORE SIMPSON O8 WE WOULD MAKE A KILLER TEAM.”  -- The Official OJ Simpson Myspace Page (Though we question the officiality of this commenter.)

Interests: Not a one.

Other social network memberships:
Facebook
YouTube

Jim’s free MySpace page (“Paid for by Gilmore for President Exploratory Committee”) is your basic candidate red, white and blue on an open source template courtesy of Mike Industries. While it doesn’t offer much personal info or even campaign videos, Jim’s profile does offer something the other candidate pages don’t: A chance to win a Nintendo Wii game console if we meet a MyGilmore fundraising goal!

Helen: Libra? Proud parent? That’s it? This is MySpace Jim! Open up a little. And while I usually give props for a first-person blog, in this case the unidentified blogger isn’t even pretending to be Jim. “I thought you would like to know that former Virginia Governor and GOP presidential candidate Jim Gilmore will be announcing a National Property Rights Initiative …” Who?! Who thought I would like to know?!

Ree: Who cares?! There’s a chance to win a Nintendo Wii! As serial political commenter Biff Bifftofpherson posted, “Kids love the Nintendo!” Sure, Jim’s pandering to the 12-year-old vote, but maybe he’s just forward-thinking. Got to lock in for that 2016 election.

***

(Former) Mayor Rudy Giuliani, New York City

Apparently, this candidate couldn’t be bothered to set up a MySpace profile, as we were unable to find one at the time of this report. But even if Rudy thinks he’s too good for the medium of the people, the people don’t think he’s too good for them. They seem to be fooled by the myriad fake Giuliani profiles posted on MySpace.

Helen: Wow, it takes some nerve to say the hell with the social networking vote. Maybe Rudy’s planning on riding that anti-ferret legislation all the way to the White House, MySpacers be damned! At least the fake sites are trying to drum up some Rudy support in his absence. Given his mayoral positions on both graffiti and cabarets, I wonder if Rudy would have gone with a crying eagle graphic and techno music.

Ree: Personally I’m shocked by how many netizens are falling for the MySpace page imposters. The most popular faux-Rudy profile is headlined, “I caught Ebola!” and still Rudy supporters are leaving their cheers in the comments section thinking it’s his site. On the plus side, voters aren’t really deterred by the Ebola virus. Good to know.

***

(Former) Gov. Mike Huckabee, Arkansas
“Don’t Stop Believin’!”
Age: 51
Star sign: Virgo
Friend count: 2260
Comments: 594

Best comment: “You are a big inspiration to me. Not only as a conservative, but someone who also lost 100 pounds!” --The Nancy Pelosi Watch Dog Group!

Interests: Myriad physical pursuits (to support his massive weight loss, no doubt), musical tastes, classic movies, “The Sopranos” and news channels for TV and heroes Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher and Superman. (Though it’s not clear whether he knows one of those characters isn’t real).

Other social network memberships:
YouTube

White text boxes on a repeating stars and strips background in blinding primary colors, center-justified text, a complete lack of negative space, and Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” (which loads with the page), earns this MySpace candidate profile the dubious title of “Most Likely to Induce Constituent Seizures.”

Helen: In the brief time we’ve been reviewing candidate MySpace profiles, Mike changed his headline from the pithy “Welcome to Mike's Space on MySpace!" to the “Sopranos” finale-inspired “Don’t Stop Believin’”, adding the Journey song to his profile player for emphasis. Never mind that he’s referencing a TV show about a pathological narcissist sociopath murderer or that it’s already been done by the Clinton campaign or that Mike is from Arkansas, not New Jersey. This cloying pop culture ploy only serves to conjure long-held expectations met with bitter disappointment – not something that generally inspires voters.

Ree: Frankly, Mike could have done a lot more to inspire a country of bloated, lethargic voters with his impressive weight loss story. While he is one of the few candidates in any party to fill out “body type” (slim/slender) and has “health/exercise” in his interests, why not include an “after” photo of skinny Mike in his old fat pants, pulling out the enormous waistband to one side? Why don’t his friends include Jared the Subway Guy or even Carney Wilson? And without an “I lost 100lbs! Ask me how,” link, he’s missing out on millions in voter donations.

***

Rep. Duncan Hunter, California (R)
"Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong. - Ronald Reagan"
Age: 59
Star sign: Gemini
Friend count: 5,645
Comments: 814

Best comment: “The only I have to donate is my vote and it's all yours! (thus far) ;)” – jazzed on java

Interests: His nine MySpace videos.

Other social network memberships:
YouTube

This tidy profile on white default template seems more of a Ronald Reagan fansite than an active profile for a current presidential candidate. Note the headline quote, as well as the main profile photo of a presidential-era Reagan shaking hands with a (much) younger Duncan Hunter.

Helen: Kudos to Duncan for making the Duncan Hunter fansites his top MySpace friends, but I fear he may have abused the social networking rule of using an older, more attractive profile photo. Stick to the current millennium!. Also, his third-person “About me” bio and “About My Candidacy” links read like an e-commerce disclosure statement. Where’s the “I Agree” button you have to click before you can vote for this guy?

Ree: Also note that his sole blog entry regards his policy on MySpace friends requests: “In order to maintain the integrity of the Duncan Hunter 2008 page, we are unable to approve your friend request if the content of your page is vulgar, offensive or otherwise inappropriate.” And yet “Poopersdad,” some tattooed, shirtless guy in crucifixion pose who lives in “Illegal immigrant capital” apparently passed the Duncan Hunter Campaign’s rigorous appropriateness test.

***

Sen. John McCain, Arizona (R)
“We will bring him to justice, and I will follow him to the gates of hell.”  (Okay, not really. Just a suggestion, as John’s neglected to include a headline.)
Age: 70
Star sign: Virgo
Friend count: 36,826
Comments: 2,775

Best comment: “Wazz up John McCain” -- Cory

Interests: John has many interesting interests, including his favorite movie, “Viva Zapata” and TV show, “24.”

Other social network memberships:
Facebook
YouTube
McCainSpace

Monochromatic flag stars fade to solid gunmetal gray for a profile so ominous you can practically hear Vincent D'Onofrio’s Private Pyle hiss, “Seven-six-two millimeter. Full. Metal. Jacket.” Apparently, Sen. McCain was in the military.

Helen: John’s smiling senior portrait-quality photo must offset the general hairy creeps exuding from this profile  -- he’s got more friends than any other Republican. Or maybe people are afraid not to be his friend. No theme song, but might I suggest “Imperial March (Darth Vader’s Theme)”

Ree: I feel like I should salute this page. It screams military. Tidiest profile yet, but you’d expect that. Those military guys can roll their socks into a ball smaller than a quarter and, evidently, they’re just as hardcore with their MySpace profiles. I’m also diggin’ his nautical star logo. Memo to all you retro-tatt hipsters: You’re now McCain supporters. And move over Obama, McCain’s got his own social network too!

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