Be a guest, not a pest

House rules
It’s a good idea to call ahead to ask about the house rules regarding such things as smoking or drinking, but pay close attention once you’ve arrived. Is there a pile of shoes by the front door? Then take off those stinky loafers and put on your good, clean socks (the ones with no holes in them) as soon as possible. Is the toilet seat down? Then make sure you leave it that way when you’re done. Does your host say grace before eating and rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher? Then follow suit. And don’t go mixing paper and cans in with the garbage if there are recycling containers scattered about. In cities such as Portland and Seattle, this is worse than setting the house on fire.

Avoid rush hour
You may be on vacation, but your hosts probably aren’t. If they have to get up early to get to work or school don’t keep them up late yakking about old times or insist they go out clubbing with you on a Tuesday night. In the morning, steer clear of the bathroom and the coffee pot during the crucial morning rush hour.

Tread lightly and leave no traces
Staying at someone’s house isn’t exactly like camping in the woods, but it doesn’t hurt to adopt a “pack it in, pack it out” attitude.  Make your bed, fold up the futon, wash your dishes, stow your stuff, zip up your toiletries and, when it’s time to leave, strip the bed and offer to start the washing machine. And, says frequent host Helen Barrington, “If you're furry, wipe around the bathroom after bathing, grooming or shaving. And find out if your host has ‘scent’ issues or allergies before using perfumes and other products you've brought with you.”

Make it a vacation for everyone
Even if you’re neat and helpful and stay out of the way, your host may begin to resent you because you’re away from home and they’re not. So try to turn your visit into a special occasion for your hosts. Take them out for a nice dinner, cook a special meal (and clean up afterward) or pick up the tab for an adventure in town. And when you’re out and about on your own, bring “home” a souvenir of your day to share.

Get invited back
That show business saying, “always leave them wanting more” applies here as well:

Leave behind a thank-you note and a small thank-you gift or make sure you absolutely remember to mail those items as soon as you get home, perhaps with a photo or something fun that you found related to your visit.

FirstPerson Hotels from hell Readers send in photos from their worst hotel stays

And if you’ve damaged or broken anything during your stay, polished off a special bottle of bourbon or been in close proximity during that small house fire, do what you can to make proper reparations. Pay to repair the broken item or buy a new one. Replace the empty bottle with a full one. Maybe a bigger version of the one you emptied.

And if that small house fire had anything at all to do with you, have a fire extinguisher gift-wrapped and delivered as soon as possible. And be sure to renew your own fire insurance when you get home.

Next week: how to be a well-mannered host, so please send along your tips.

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