Be a guest, not a pest

Harriet Baskas Travel writer

In an effort to distract me from a broken heart one summer, some friends invited me to spend the weekend at their home in the country.

I arrived late, weepy and empty-handed, toting my laundry. I behaved badly: During the next few days I picked at elaborate home-cooked meals. I overfed the washing machine and hid the sudsy overflow in a hamper. I’m pretty sure I polished off a bottle of bourbon being saved for a special occasion. And I may have inadvertently started a small house fire.

My heart and that friendship have healed nicely, thank you. I’m now a much better — and much safer — houseguest. And I’ve learned the difference between being a pitiful houseguest, a good houseguest and the sort of houseguest who gets invited back again and again.

Which would you rather be?

How to be a good houseguest
The basic “secrets” to being a good houseguest may seem sort of obvious:

• Don’t show up unannounced.
• Don’t overstay your welcome.
• Pick up after yourself.
• Don’t set the place on fire. 

Agree? So let’s move on.

How to be a great houseguest
Anyone can be a good houseguest. I’m sure you want to be a great one. The difference between the two is easy to finesse.

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I know. This is supposed to be an advice column about staying at someone’s house. But the first question your well-mannered host will ask (not out loud, at least not right away, of course) is, “When are you leaving?”  So be clear about when you plan to arrive and when you’re scheduled to push off.

Don’t overstay your welcome (see “Basics” above). A gracious host may say, “I wish you could stay longer,” but they really don’t mean it. Ben Franklin may have had it right when he wrote that “Fish and visitors smell in three days.” Or maybe he just needed a better freezer and a bigger hot water heater.

What to bring
Even if you’re just crashing on someone’s floor for the night and will be gone before the household begins to stir the next morning, bring a gift of some sort. Classic “thanks for having me” gifts include a bottle of wine or a six-pack of specialty beers (if your hosts aren’t teetotalers), fancy cookies, chocolates or pastries (if your hosts aren’t dieting), fresh flowers (if your hosts don’t have allergies) or, to play it really safe, a photo book or something characteristic of your home town. You can especially endear yourself to your hosts, their kids and even their pets by bringing a little something special for everyone.

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What else should you bring? A complete set of your own toiletries (it’s someone’s house, not a hotel), any foods you especially want or need to eat and a willingness to live by your host’s house rules.

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