How Rosie turned one man into a ‘View’ addict

Changing the panel for the better
In her own galumphing, tacky way, Rosie changed her fellow panelists for the better. She didn’t loosen up Walters’ New York society snootiness one frozen millimeter, but she brought out the fighter in Joy Behar like never before. At one point during a typical I’m-so-adorable moment where Hasslebeck feigned ignorance of the purpose of a fingerbowl at a White House dinner she attended, expressing surprise that Condoleeza Rice was using the rose-petal-decorated water to wash with, a lightning-quick Behar jumped in with “Out! Out! Damn spot!” The comic seemed more alive on the air than ever before. The softball jokes were out, the knife-sharp ones were in.

Rosie even helped cultivate a warmth in Hasselbeck I’d never seen before. I came to sort of like the blond Bush-nut even as I hated everything she stood for, because it seemed like she and O’Donnell were truly bonding over their similarities as suburban Moms instead of their differences as The Right One and The Left One. I don’t know why I liked that kind of softy mush, but I did. Enough so that I wish that over this past Memorial Day weekend they’d really done what Hasselbeck claimed they’d done on Tuesday’s show and gotten on with the business of forgiving one another for last week’s Mother of All On-Air Blow-Ups.

If you’ve been not paying attention, this one was over nothing more than perception, personal betrayal, hurt feelings and egos, not about facts or any public issue at all. It felt suspicious to me, like someone was gaslighting one or both of them somewhere down the line. It felt disconnected and weird. There was no good reason not to kiss and make up like before. But they didn’t.

A ‘View’ wish list
What I’d really like is for Rosie to use her final three weeks to keep yelling, because at the moment she just seems to be enjoying the wallow. And for those of us on her side, it feels like the one voice in daytime TV that wouldn’t back down just took her toys and stomped home.

I’d also like for one second if the straight-white-male-dominated media were given glasses that would make them see Rosie as someone they’d like to have sex with, because then I guarantee she’d be getting way less hassle than she is right now. Comic Jeff Ross said it most incisively on Tuesday’s show when he joked that he’d make a good replacement for O’Donnell, citing his own less-masculine persona.

And as long as I’m making a “View” -centric wish-list, I’d like for Barbara Walters to stop fibbing about what dear friends she and Rosie are. I’d like for Hasselbeck to be given someone new to fight with come June, someone to keep yelling that 115 American soldiers died for no good reason in Iraq during the month of May — someone like Griffin or Bernhard, who both know their politics, who both seem to have a thicker skin, and who could keep the show messy and entertaining and important.

But until any of those things happen I’ll just keep watching “Sunset Tan.”

Dave White is the author of “Exile in Guyville” and writes TV commentary for Advocate.com. Find him at www.myspace.com/dlelandwhite.

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