Jail bad? It’s just another way to get publicity

With that in mind, here are five other celebrities who could use a visit to the slammer to polish their celebrity credentials:

Lindsay Lohan
Although she’s a bit frail for prison life, Lindsay’s star is so on the wane that she should probably risk it. A lot of people in Hollywood think she’s a very talented actress, but she’s not much of a box office draw; her “Georgia Rule” took in just over $5 million on opening weekend. Imagine how much more attention the picture might have gotten if the press junket had been held inside the visitors’ room at the L.A. county detention center for women. Of course, there’s always the chance that the warden could send her a scathing letter complaining that her wild and irresponsible behavior is jeopardizing her job at the prison laundry. But I’m betting that Lindsay would be humbled by her incarceration and tone down her act, especially if they throw her in solitary without a Blackberry. With a little luck, maybe she’ll make the cell block A-list.

Britney Spears
She probably should be in jail right now for fraud after charging fans $125 per ticket, making them wait three hours at the House of Blues in San Diego and then lip-synching her way through a 15-minutes performance. Of course, there are those who might argue that she should be in the hoosegow for her entire body of work rather than one show, and their point has merit. But the bottom line is that Britney is a mess and she needs something to goose her career. One advantage of her going to jail now is that guards will look at her shaved head and assume that she already has been deloused. A note of caution: She went out on the town not long ago and some photos of her were taken that became very popular on the Internet because she went au naturel in a particular area. But this would be a women’s prison, they don’t have paparazzi there, and the attention she would receive after such a stunt might make her look back and appreciate the days when all she had to please was K-Fed.

Donald Trump
He would need two cells, one for him and one for his hair. Ah, just kidding. Bunk beds would do. If anybody really needed to be brought down to Earth, it’s The Donald. At first glance, it might appear that Trump would have difficulty in a jailhouse environment, since he likes to give orders, and that might not sit well with the Aryan brotherhood and the ethnic gangs, not to mention the guards’ union. But something tells me that in no time at all Trump will have figured out a way to knock down the prison and have luxury condominiums built in its place. And when he got out of jail, he’d be in demand as a motivational speaker who explains how you can use your skills as a white-collar criminal to get ahead in the business world.

O.J. Simpson
Putting O.J. Simpson in jail. Hmmm. Now there’s an idea that just might catch on with the general public. Of course, it would take some convincing to get him to go, because he’s spent so much time and energy trying to stay out of there. But he keeps making news on the outside for all the wrong reasons. Recently he was thrown out of a steakhouse in Kentucky because the owner refused to serve him. And that’s just the incident you hear about; I bet it happens at the Wal-Mart, the local Ben & Jerry’s, even at Denny’s. If he were to go to jail, he’d be around guys like himself who would appreciate his accomplishments. He could be surrounded by men who agree with his contention that the police are corrupt and that evidence gathering is flawed. In fact, if he found himself in a nurturing environment of acceptance and understanding, he could remain there quite comfortably for years and years and years.

Jessica Simpson
Does anybody know what she does? She seems to be in the news for dating John Mayer, which immediately makes it obvious that he could probably use a little contemplative time behind bars as well. And she is noticed for her hair, which used to be long and blond but now is long and brunette. Stop the freaking presses. Perhaps if Jessica spent a little time in the big house she’d be able to give reporters an answer to the question, “What have you done since ‘Dukes of Hazzard’?” In fact, there are plenty of folks who believe the law calls for a mandatory jail sentence for something like “Dukes of Hazzard.”

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