A woman's worth: How to get what you deserve

In her book "Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny," Orman includes a chapter called “You Are Not On Sale” that deals with how women underestimate their worth. “You’re no longer a stay-at-home mom, or a volunteer,” Orman demands. “Money gives you power to own your own destiny.”

When you go in to talk to your boss about money, don’t frame it in a yes-or-no question, Orman advises. “You can say, ‘Here’s what I’ve done this year. Here’s how hard I worked. What I want is a 5 percent to 8 percent raise,’” she says. By providing the manager with an either/or it’s harder to just say no. And make sure the lower end of your range is what you’d be happy with, she adds.

Be prepared that you might not get what you want, and at that point you have to figure out if your company is worth it. That means having an emergency fund and as little debt as possible so you are negotiating with your boss from a position of financial strength.

“If you don’t get what you want you can exit,” Orman says. “Without money, you tend to settle because you’re afraid.”

Now don’t expect to definitely get a big bump in pay in your existing job. The big money typically comes when you move to a new company.

But women are yet in another Catch-22 during the job-seeking process. Many are underpaid, so telling a prospective employer what you make can end up dooming your chances for a big pay jump. While I don’t advocate lying, I suggest you turn the tables on the hiring manager during the interview process when you’re asked what you make. Ask them, “What does the job pay?”

If you’re pushed to provide a figure, Orman suggests you say something like: “I was paid $40,000 in my last job but the reason I left is, I was seriously underpaid. I had faith in my employer that I would be at $70,000.”

Empowering women to negotiate will help narrow the pay gap, but alas, there is still a fair amount of sexism out there. So don’t apologize for having taken time off to raise your kids and settle for any salary they’ll give you. And play up the management and organizational skills you developed raising the little buggers.

Also, watch out for hiring managers asking you about your marital status. Sometimes such a question can be a veiled way for them to find out how much your husband or significant other makes so they can pay you less, says Wharton’s McGrath.

Bottom line, give out as little information about your present financials as possible. Concentrate on what you can bring to the job and what you are looking to get paid.

If you’re still feeling butterflies in your stomach about the whole thing find some women, or even men who can be your sounding boards while you go through the negotiation process, and role play with them before you sit down with your manager.

Karen, an administrative assistant for a high-tech company in San Francisco who declined to use her full name, got inspiration from friends during her battle for bucks.

She received an OK salary and stock options when she started and set out to work as hard as she could that first year in hopes of getting compensated with more money and more stock. But when bonus time came and the HR department actually put her in the company system at a lower level than she had been and was no longer eligible for options.

“I realized that they didn't have a clue how much they were asking of me and that they didn't really value what my position brought to their success,” she says.

She found comfort and inspiration from her friends and colleagues who told her it was okay to be mad at the system, and to value the skills that she had. “After about a month of waking up in middle of the night really mad and finding I was losing my inspiration at work, I went and talked to my boss.  I laid it all out very clearly, without a bunch of emotional charge.  I spoke of the value I brought to him, his organization, and to the company.”

Her boss went to HR and initially they offered her a small raise and a promotion in title, but she told everyone she wasn’t going to settle and calmly laid out a case for more money yet again.

“I was stunned that I was so strong. I knew I might have to leave the company and that was okay because at this point in my career I really wanted the opportunity to work in a place where I could have the enjoyment of contributing at a high level and of being valued for that contribution,” she says.

Ultimately she got an impressive raise and even a cash bonus. “It felt great,” she exclaims.

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