'The Curtain Went Up, My Pants Fell Down'

“You’re fired, dude,” Frankie said.

“You can’t fire me,” McKelty said.

“Might I remind you that I am the director,” Devore said. “I must do what’s right for the play.”

“So hand over the costume, McKelty,” Ashley said. “It’s going to go on Hank’s royal body now.”

“About that,” Mrs. Crock said to Devore. “The costume has already been altered significantly to make it fit Nick.”

“Don’t worry about that, Mrs. Crock,” I said. “I’ll use a belt to hold up the pants.”

“But the King of Siam wouldn’t have worn a belt,” Devore said.

“How about this?” Ashley said, pointing to a golden cord with two tassels that was draped over the back of the throne. And without waiting for an answer, she pulled the cord off the throne and brought it to Devore. “We can use it to hold up the pants.”

“Now that, my dear, is thinking like a true theater person,” Devore said.

“So what happens to me?” McKelty said. “I’m just supposed to fade into the background like this never happened?”

“There’s a plan.” Frankie laughed.

Devore ignored his remark and rubbed his goatee thoughtfully before he spoke. “As a gesture of our appreciation,” he began, “for your . . . um . . .”

“Talent?” Nick filled in.

“Let’s just say, for your unique understudy skills,” Devore said, “it would be a pleasure to ask you to join Luke Whitman and play Elephant Boy Number Two.”

“Is it a speaking part?” McKelty asked.

“No, but your presence on the stage will speak volumes,” Devore said.

“He’ll take it,” Frankie answered for McKelty.

“But aren’t I still the understudy?” McKelty asked.

“Indeed you are,” Devore told him.

“Because something awful could still happen to Zipperbutt, right?” McKelty said. “I mean, you never know what could happen. The theater is a strange place.”

Don’t ask me why, but I didn’t like the sound of that.

Excerpted from “The Curtain Went Up, My Pants Fell Down” by Henry Winkler, Lin Oliver and Jesse Joshua Watson. Copyright © 2007 Conn Henry Winkler, Lin Oliver and Jesse Joshua Watson. All rights reserved. Published by Penguin Group. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher.

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