Holding out for Spider-Man

Better than the comic book
Now it seems we get a superhero movie every other month (“Spider-Man,” “X-Men,” “Fantastic Four,” “Ghost Rider”), with more on the way (“Iron Man,” “Captain America,” “Thor,” “Luke Cage”). “The Adventures of Forbush Man” must be just around the corner.

As for my guy? A new “Spider-Man” cartoon aired from 1994 to 1998. MTV aired 13 episodes of a kick-ass, computer-animated “Spider-Man” cartoon in 2003. There are “Spider-Man” video games. There’s going to be a “Spider-Man” Broadway musical. Dude is everywhere.

The irony is that I’ve long stopped collecting comic books. How’s that for luck? When I was a kid, comics were for kids and movies for adults. Now that I’m an adult, comics are for adults and movies are for kids. Peter Parker would understand.

The greater irony is that Hollywood finally got it right. The first two “Spider-Man” movies are about as good as superhero movies can be. Not only is Tobey Maguire the exact right guy for the role, not only does director Sam Raimi give you the vertiginous thrill of web-slinging through midtown Manhattan, but the movie is infused with the spirit of the comic book. Peter Parker loses as often as Spider-Man wins. He’s picked on (in high school), ripped off, ignored (by girls).

Some of the plot elements come directly from the classic comic. The Green Goblin’s demise in Spider-Man No. 122. “Spider-Man No More” from Spider-Man No. 50.

Hell, they improved upon his origin. How amazing is that? When the petty thief runs by Spider-Man in Amazing Fantasy No. 15, we recognize that Spider-Man’s refusal to help is the act of a selfish jerk. “From now on I just look out for number one — that means — me,” he tells the cop. We don’t identify with Peter here. He’s not us; he’s other.

In the first “Spider-Man” movie, however, that petty thief rips off the wrestling promoter who has just ripped off Peter Parker. The promoter refuses to pay Peter his $3,000, saying, after Peter tells him he needs the money, “I missed the part where that’s my problem.” So Peter leaves, the petty thief appears, steals the money, and runs down the hallway with Peter between him and freedom. He gets freedom. When the promoter complains, Peter tells him, “I missed the part where that’s my problem.”

Here’s how brilliant that is. When I saw “Spider-Man” in a crowded movie theater in 2002, moviegoers, who obviously didn’t know where the story was going, who didn’t know this was going to be the saddest moment of Peter Parker’s life, actually laughed. They’d been trained to expect put-down quips from their action heroes, and this was a better quip than most. Haw! Told him! The laughter was indicative. We identify with Peter here. He’s not other, he’s us. He’s getting back at a guy who deserves it. Thus when the horrible lesson is imparted, it’s imparted to us, too. With great power comes great responsibility. It’s a lesson our popular culture doesn’t deliver much.

Worse than the comic book
So why was I nervous before the “Spider-Man 3” screening? I’m 44 now, my comic-collecting days ended long ago, and the Spider-Man franchise is in good hands. Why be nervous?

Part of the problem was the happy ending of “Spider-Man 2.” He’s got the girl, he’s got the power, he’s got it all. So what’s the emotional momentum of the next movie? Toward greater happiness? Or do you take stuff away? Either route is problematic.

Initial reports were worrisome, too. An evil Spider-Man? Didn’t the evil Superman in “Superman III” help kill that franchise? Then the villains began to mount up: Sandman and Venom? And Green Goblin? And evil Spider-Man? Isn’t that a bit much? Didn’t all those supervillains and heroes clunking together help sink the ’90s “Batman” franchise?

(WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD)

But I was most nervous about something I’d seen in the trailer: A policeman informing Peter and Aunt May that Ben Parker had been killed, not by the petty thief, but by Flint Marko, who would later become the Sandman. I thought: Naw, they wouldn’t do that. Surely they know that changing who kills Ben Parker changes Spider-Man’s entire raison d’etre. It messes with the greatest origin in comics. Surely they know better.

Now that I’ve seen the movie, I’m curious. Obviously “Spider-Man 3” will make tons of money. But what will this summer’s movie conversation be: Critics vs. moviegoers, as it was last summer? Or are moviegoers smart enough to see through all the CGI to a story that has no arc, no momentum, that just pinballs here and there, lighting up this and that?

Something comes between Peter Parker and MJ — but what? Misunderstandings? The machinations of others? Or are they just not right for each other? Something blackens Spider-Man’s heart — but what? MJ? Revenge? Symbiotic space goo? The film mixes internal and external forces of change, thus depriving either of any meaning. For most of the movie Peter Parker isn’t us, he’s other, but the reasons why he’s not us are never interesting. Worse, the movie takes apart his origin only to impart its lesson in a groaningly obvious way. In short: It’s a travesty.

Why does Spider-Man fight crime? Apparently, sadly, just cuz.

The only crime Erik Lundegaard fights is grammatical. He can be reached at: .

MORE FROM SPIDER-MAN 3

‘Spider-Man 3’ smashes box-office records

‘Spider-Man 3’ smashes box-office records Review: ‘Spider-Man 3’ spins fun, familiar web ‘Spider-Man 3’ hauls in $29 million in first day Sequel city: The best and worst at the multiplex History of the web-slinger on screen Meet the new ‘Spider-Man 3’ villains Quiz: Do you know your ‘Spidey’ villains? Maguire: Ready for ‘Spider-Man 4’ Newsweek: 'Spider-Man 3' quadruples fun   Add Spider-Man 3 headlines to your news reader: