'Born in the Wrong Body'

For 21-year-old Tayler, born Travis, that conflict became too much to handle. At 14, he tried to castrate himself with a pair of scissors and a knife.

“It almost felt like a detachment type thing, like this is a foreign object that shouldn’t be there,” she said. “Don’t’ try that at home.”

At 15 and 16, Tayler attempted suicide several times, finally ending up in a psychiatric hospital. It was while she was hospitalized that Tayler finally admitted she was transgender. It took her five years to get to the point where she is living full-time as a woman. Now Tayler takes a daily dose of female hormones and is attending Clemson University.

‘I feel like I had a child die’
Being transgender has been hard on Tayler and her family. While her parents are supportive, they’re also overwhelmed by a profound sense of grief.

Tayler

“I feel like I had a child die,” Tayler’s mother said.

“It’s like, you know, almost as if my previous self doesn’t exist anymore,” Tayler added.

Tayler’s parents are still getting used to the idea of having a transgender child, but they believe if they had tried to keep Tayler a boy, their story could have had a tragic ending.

“The thought of our child trying to kill himself over this,” said Tayler’s dad, “and imagine all of the people who don’t go through the journey like we did and are successful at suicide …”

The question of gender reassignment surgery
Tayler is anxious to have sexual reassignment surgery one day.

“I would probably eventually get a rhinoplasty and maybe like a chin reduction, but I really don’t know when,” Tayler said. “I originally wanted to do the face first, because at this point I think that is almost more important to me. But it looks like I probably will get the surgery ‘down there’ first.”

Genital surgery to go from male to female is fairly straightforward — create a vagina by inverting the penis. But going the other way, creating a penis for female-to-male “trans men” is still relatively primitive.

“It’s just not there in terms of cosmetic appearance and function,” said Simon Aronoff, a female-to-male transgender activist. “Some trans men do opt to have it to make themselves feel more complete.”

Those who are desperate to change their look, but lack the means, sometimes turn to dangerous measures.

One highly risky practice involves getting injected with industrial-grade silicone by someone other than a certified plastic surgeon.

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