Fries, and a wad of meat, to go with that shake

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Shakes: The ultimate happy juice
Milkshakes are the gentle soul of the trio. Not in ATHF, mind you. Master Shake is a jerk all the time, spouting self-important, combative, non-sequiturs every time he opens his mouth. But in other films, shakes are sweet and happy, even musical gold. This is because they’re made of ice cream and only dreary, killjoy, lactose-intolerant people hate ice cream.

Shakes in films get poured on heads to the delight of all, like in “Grease” when Stockard Channing dumps hers on Jeff Conaway. They leap out of blenders, drenching everyone for big laughs. They cost five whole dollars in “Pulp Fiction,” providing a moment of indignant bonding for the film’s most adorable couple, John Travolta and Uma Thurman.

Or they’re the subject of entire disco-era production numbers, like in “Can’t Stop The Music” where a group of little boy Village People look-alikes transform into the real, adult Village People, all dressed in sparkly white versions of their various masculine-drag personas, then dance around giant milkshakes and Valerie Perrine. Why? Why not? Shakes are the happy sidekicks; they’re the estrogen joy to fries’ insecure aggression and meat’s testosterone-poisoned crime wave.

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And yeah, I just made all of this up.

Dave White is the film critic for Movies.com and the author of “Exile in Guyville.” Find him at www.imdavewhite.com.

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