Baby daddy revealed! Can we stop caring now?

On Monday, Don Imus got suspended for two weeks for the ignorant, insensitive and racist remark he made about the eight African American players on the Rutgers University women’s basketball team.

On Tuesday, Larry Birkhead, like thousands of other men worldwide, became a father.

Which story will get more play in the following days?

Well, considering we’ve been force-fed the sordid details of the life, death and sex life of Anna Nicole Smith since her heart stopped beating just over two months ago, I’d say we’re going to be in baby Dannielynn hell at least until she takes her first steps.

The fact that Imus got off with a slap on his pinky finger for calling a group of young African American women he’s never met “nappy headed hos” will certainly keep the Rev. Al Sharpton and other African American leaders in the headlines until Imus is either fired — which won’t happen because money speaks louder than words — or until some other fool says something equally as obtuse.

Death and stupidity always come in threes.

Michael Richards, Imus. One to go.

But you can bet your last dime that the Imus debacle will be archived by week’s end since DNA evidence has finally proved that Birkhead, a photographer who was involved with the late model/reality star, is Dannielynn’s bio dad.

You would think that would be the end of it, right? Birkhead got what he wanted and can live happily ever after with his baby girl and the millions she may inherit. No, no, no, my friends. This will be just the beginning of another wave of sensationalist coverage. There will be Smith’s estranged mama, Virgie, who will most certainly be beamed across the airwaves in all of her full-figured ampleness while making some foolish allegation about how her daughter would want her baby girl growing up in Texas.

I bet Pepto-Bismol sales will reach an all-time high this week.

We’ll also have to hear reactions from Prince Frederic von Anhalt, who is married to Zsa Zsa Gabor. He’ll be asked to explain about how it feels to know he’s not Dannielynn’s great- great-grandfather, er, I mean papa. He’s just crazy enough to come up with some kind of conspiracy theory, too.

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Finally, there’s Howard K. Stern, who is creepier than Lurch from “The Addams Family.” This cat spent much of February and March jacking up “Entertainment Tonight’s” ratings with all of his insipid exclusive interviews with Mark Steines and the gang. Don’t think he won’t be back on ad nauseam. Even though there’s really nothing left for him to say, he’ll be saying it for at least the next month on “ET.”

I can hear the tease now: “How Howard K. Stern spends his lonely days and nights now that he’s lost both his babies.”

All I can say is thank God he’s nobody’s daddy.