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Engel: ‘I’ve seen so many ugly things’
Immediately after American forces toppled Saddam’s government, there was chaos, so much looting. But the anarchy wasn’t aggressive, it was a time of discovery.
Iraqis wanted to talk to reporters. They wanted for the first time to be able to describe what they had gone through. I remember going down to Najaf. I could just get in my car and drive there and see that shi’as were celebrating. They were forming militias.
ENGEL: All day these people have been lining up to add their names to this list. They want to join an Islamic Army, which they say will counterbalance the American presence in Iraq.
This was the first they were in power for in thirteen hundred years
July 21, 2003: Najaf
But this is problematic for the U.S. administration because many of the Shiite leaders have close ties to Iran. Critics say the U.S. military got rid of Saddam only to open the door to the Ayotollahs.
Capture of Saddam... but then a change
For me almost nothing compared to the capture of Saddam Hussein. I just couldn’t believe that this dictator who lived in palaces was found hiding in a hole.
“And that’s when Saddam put his hands up and they assisted him out.”“There’s a light down here and very basic ventilation system. The entire crawl space is tiny and actually very well disguised. U.S. soldiers were standing right on top of it during the raid and didn’t even know it.”
After Saddam was captured, some of his supporters, other Sunnis, formed a terrible alliance with foreign fighters. And they had a more sinister agenda. Everyone became a target.
SEPTEMBER 25, 2003: NBC Baghdad Bureau Our hotel, our first bureau, was bombed.
DAVID MOODIE, NBC EMPLOYEE: “When they offered to move me to the other side of the hotel I should have said yes.”
The guy, poor guy. He was one of the hotel cleaning staff. He was sleeping in the lobby.
VIDEO DIARY: I have a theory as to why insurgents are now attacking journalists. They are now making their own videos, posting them on the Internet. I have hundreds of them. Where they show their own attacks and kidnappings and mortars
The insurgents groups have evidently decided its not worth it to talk to western press; we are all infidels; we are just here to call them all terrorists; better they think to put their own message out, post it so everyone in the world can see it and then try and drive reporters out of the country.
They had no concern and made no distinction between contractors, soldiers or reporters.
Four contractors, Americans, were killed and then their bodies mutilated in Fallujah. After that everything had changed. Al-Qaida had come to Iraq.
They started kidnapping for money.
May 11, 2004: Nicholas Berg Kidnapping
I have that image in my head right now. I know exactly what it looked like. It was an image that branded itself on our minds and left a scar, it was terrifying. We all thought, “That could be us one day.”
VIDEO DIARY: I’ve come to accept that fact that if I were to be kidnapped I would try and fight my way out of it. Better to be die running away, shot in the back, than to be beheaded on my knees.
It became very difficult to get reporters. People, journalists from NBC and other networks simply didn’t want to come here anymore.
October 24, 2005: Palestine Hotel Bombed
KARL BOSTIC, PRODUCER: “Everything went orange around us. We felt the car rock and then lifted”
The Palestine hotel was bombed and our producer Karl was just down the street running errands, he almost didn’t make it back.
BOSTIC: “It’s not worth it. No story is worth any of this. No story is worth any of it.”
Then just a few weeks later, there was another attack targeting reporters, this time it was our hotel, our second bureau bombed
November 18, 2005: NBC Baghdad Bureau
First a minivan pulled up, we saw it on our security cameras. It was a white minivan.
TRUUS BOS, PRODUCER: “I woke up by a big bang. There was glass all over my room. I mean I knew what it was because it had happened before. You don’t get used to it, no! No!”
Broke all of the windows. Collapsed in the ceilings. Trashed all of our offices.
Most of the casualties were people outside the hotel. They were Iraqi families; a lot of children.
We basically decided enough is enough. We have to rethink the way we’re going about our reporting.
We hired a new security company. Most of them were members of the British Special Forces. You accept the fact that you’re being hunted, then you want to have somebody protecting you, a fellow hunter.
It was a terrible adjustment to make. We were used to going out and reporting and then suddenly to have our wings clipped. It was very frustrating.
It was starting to add up. I’d been sleeping on the floor. Concerned that there would be more bombings nearby. And then
Suddenly it happened again.
VIDEO DIARY: This is exactly where the explosion happened, there are now some humvees lined up, protecting the perimeter.
Here’s part of the window itself, and all the metal bits and pieces. And this is my third hotel room in Iraq that has been damaged because of violence right next to me and it makes you wonder, am I just lucky so far? Or can you push your luck and when do you decide this is not worth it.
On the personal toll
I was hitting rock bottom at that stage. I thought we can’t go out, when we stay in, we’re getting attacked.
VIDEO DIARY: All of this does have a psychological impact. I’ve seen so many ugly things. So many memories I am not sure that people and images that people are equipped to deal with. Two weeks ago, I was walking around latLfiya and I was watching stray dogs eat a dead body, and just picking it to pieces. And in Fallujah, dogs again — stray dogs were carrying the severed head of some person who was killed in that city.
Uh, what a life, what a life. There it is
It was during this time that unfortunately my marriage fell apart. I think I wrongly blamed her for not understanding who I was and what I was doing.
Morale was at a all time low. Nobody wanted to come here anymore. The people who came were frightened
We were living on top of each other. It was very claustrophobic.
Then we started to find ways to get out of this situation to make ourselves feel better. We bought a pool table. We refurbished our kitchen and started cooking for ourselves. And re-built a gym for ourselves. So you can let out some of the stress.
I started going down for half an hour, an hour a day, and just beating this bag.
It’s very important. Even if it’s just the most confining thing of all, running up and down, and up and down the stairs. It helps.
VIDEO DIARY: It feels like every time you’re out, or every time you’re here, you are trying to pull a fast one on history. That you are trying to get away with it, to get out, sneak out, and get information and get back alive. Or without being kidnapped or without losing an eye, or a limb and it feels like you are trying to get away with it but how many more can you get away with? I don’t know.
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