Van Halen in the House!

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DAY 5: THE FINAL STRETCH

Dr. Phil: Now, as you boys know, this process suffered a major setback yesterday when the Van Halens decided to leave the Dr. Phil House. Just for now, let’s put the 40-date tour on the back burner with the grits and cornbread. At this time, I have grave concerns that you boys just aren’t gonna get it together in time to perform at your Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inauguration.

Michael: Yeah, that’s too bad. Guess it’s back on the road with Sammy!

Story continues below ↓

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Dr. Phil: Boys, I don’t think you’re getting it. What are we trying to accomplish here?

David: No, dude. It’s cool! I’m a song and dance man. I’ve played with the Boston Pops. I’ll play with whoever shows up! Weelololoooo! I’m on top of my game! When I hit the stage, the gig begins! Bring it on! Yowleedooloo! Wassaow!!!

Dr. Phil: That is it! Son, you are more annoying than a sandy diaper on a chafed bottom. Eddie was right. You’re an idiot. You’d need a window in your drawers just to see where you’re going. I’ve interviewed meth addicts that make more sense than you. Listening to you is like … I don’t even have a platitude for that! No wonder they threw you off the radio, boy. If I had to listen to you everyday I’d shoot myself. I’d literally shoot myself!

[Slam!]

David: (blink)

Michael: Dude.