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Strangers in the flight
If you fly enough, you're sure to sit next to these annoying characters
 | Loud cell phone talkers are just one type of annoying character you'll encounter if you're a frequent flier, Tripso columnist James Wysong writes. |
Ed Reinke / AP file |
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I wrote this column while sitting next to the classic nightmare seatmate. After announcing his importance to the world by constantly using his cell phone, he managed to annoy everyone around him with his loud and incredibly embarrassing points of view. He drank too much, spoke too often and pretty much complained his way across the Atlantic. I hoped that he would eventually glance over my shoulder and see himself in my column, but unfortunately he never did.
I usually consider a flight next to a stranger a chance to delve into another person's outlook. The inspiration for most of my writing comes from such opportunities, but to be honest, there are times when I just want to be left alone and relax in my own private world. Those are the times that my neighbors get on my nerves. Take these people, for instance. Do you recognize any of them?
Mr. High Flyer. This gentleman complained about everything during the first half of the flight. When he discovered that I am a flight attendant, he decided to complain to me the rest of the way.
Miss Fear Of Flying. This poor soul burst into floods of tears during the taxi out, and it only got worse after that. It was a nine-hour flight.
Mr. Freaky. This middle-aged man stared at a picture of a boy, chanted and swatted at imaginary flies the entire flight.
Mr. Itchy. This fellow either had a bad case of jock itch or was — well, let's just say he was feeling a bit crabby. By the end of the flight I was feeling itchy myself, but maybe that was just my imagination.
Ms. Drinks Too Much. First she tried to get me to join the Mile-High Club with her, then she started talking to herself. Eventually she needed to use both our sick bags.
Mr. Politically Incorrect. This United States senator let me know he had no respect for stewardesses or female pilots. I waited until our second drink to tell him that I am a flight attendant and my wife is a pilot.
Mr. Gassy. This gentleman made no attempt to disguise the matter that was rotting inside his intestines, even though the restroom was vacant the entire time. Talk about airing your problems! Another gentleman, Mr. Smelly Feet, comes in a distant second, though I must say his were the worst feet my olfactory passages have ever encountered.
Ms. Not Contagious. Now, how does anyone ever know that they are not contagious? This was her claim, but she sneezed, coughed and wiped her nose throughout the flight. Needless to say, I came down with her cold two days later.
Mr. Nose-picker. If this man were to embark on a career of nostril mining, he would be a huge success. Unfortunately, I have peripheral vision and I couldn't help witnessing the whole booger-extraction expedition.
Mr. Multi-tasker. This fellow was a claustrophobe who also had Parkinson's disease and Tourette's syndrome. No joke. We actually became quite good friends, which just goes to show that you should give your seat neighbor a chance. I'm sure you're not always a joy to sit next to, either.
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