Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

I have learned a great deal from your series. Thank you. My 68 year old mother lives alone in a house near Rehoboth Beach, DE. In proximity, I am the closest relative and I am 125 miles away in Washington, DC. My family and I, and many of her friends, have noticed changes in her pesonality in the last few years. She has also become defensive and secretive in her actions. She exhibits phobias she never had before and also shows signs of memory loss. She no longer shares financial information with me or the names of her doctors. I know I need to have her medically (and financially) checked out, but it is difficult to talk to her about this stuff much less get her to do it. Any ideas? --AP marnane, washington, DC (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

I really couldn't begin to get my story down to 3000 words. Over the last two years, I've dealt with an emergency illness that ended in a 15 month hospital/rehab hospital/nurding home stay for my mother. During that time, I had to assume responsibility for her finances which were in ruins; her medical care and her home. One thing everyone could learn from my experiences is to get a durable power of attorney in place before you ever need it. Included with that should be a medical power of attorney. Everyone should also think about a living will - do you want to be the next Terry Schiavo? There are legal practices which specialize in elder care that can help set up a care plan for your parents while they don;t yet need it. I could go on and on. This series has been good for me - it is always nice to know you are not alone. --Anonymous , Norfolk, VA (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Communication is one of the largest challenges when elderly parents live out of town. In my case, my mother was deaf, and my dad was suffering from dimentia, so the telephone was ineffective. Our solution: EMAIL. We were able to get my parents a computer and show them how to use the internet for email. The barriers of deafness were eliminated. My mother communicated with everyone - children, grandchildren, family, and friends at all times. Once, all the children and the grandchildren got on line together, formed a private chat room, and "chatted" for hours. Grandma hit the CAPS LOCK key by mistake and the youngest granddaughter told her: Grandma. "You are SHOUTING!! we can hear you. Don't use capital letters!!" This technology made an enormous difference for us AND for her. She didn't feel isolated. She could receive pictures of the grandchildren and great grandchildren immediately. At 87 years old, she was able to communicate any time, day or night, and as a benefit, she learned to do her own research on the web!! Computers are cheap now. And many social service organizations will provide the elderly with the machines and show them how to use them. --Jeanne Tobin, Beachwood, OH (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Submitted by Jonetta Mason Nana age 90

I am an only child caring for my 90 year old mother that is suffering from many health problems. I have moved into her home to help her feel that she still has some control over the things that she has treasured in her life. I am not old enough to retire, so the stress of having to work part of the day, and care for her through the evening and night makes a day very long and difficult. I do not feel that a nursing home facility is right for mother, she is of sound mind. Her primary problems are the major organs of her body. I know that God gives the the strenth and courage to care for her each and every day. I only hope that she knows that I am doing this for her out of love. I'm sure she does. --Jonetta Mason, Oak Hill, WV (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Submitted by Beth Lee JPG photo

Wanted to share this photo of my younger brother Kevin Lee, assisting in transporting our Dad John Lee in out of the car in the last few months of his life. My parents had been told at the of Kevin's birth in 1960 that he should be institutionalized. That it would be an incredible burden for my parents to raise Kein on their own. My parents John and Marjorie made the choice to raise Kevin as a part of large family and later in Life it was Kevin who along with my mother made it possible to not only remain in his home own home but allowed John the freedom to get out and do lot's of wondeful things up to the last few weeks of John's life. An incredible role reversal. --Beth Lee, Omaha, NE (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

What about those of us who are srs. and do not need care. I just celebrated my 39th birthday for the 41st time. I am employed 3 days a week, use the bus to get to work as I gave up driving 10 years ago due to a vision problem. My frineds are about my age and are invlolved in volunteering in various places and orbanizations. We have health care insurance, our own support system and socialize several days a week, unless we have a meeting or other projects. I have just finished a 90 page book about my paternal grandfathers side of the family and am working on the next project which is my paternal grandmother. We don't all need care as we are independent, intelligent adults.  My 3 children, grandchildren all live in various places in the country. --Anonymous , Delray Beach, FL (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Brian My wife and I have enjoyed all of your individual stories last week and the stories from around the country this week. We have a slightly different family situation in that my parents passed in their 50's and my paternal Grandmother is 94. My sister and I are both active duty military and are both stationed in the Washington DC area. We decided it was best to move my Grandmother from Texas to this region in early 2005. She had been in a retirement community on her own for over 10 years and recognized it was time for an assisted living arrangement. Fortunately for all of us, her financial situation allows us to put her in a very good facility where she has her own apartment, but is still provided all of her meals, medicine, and basic personal care. Because we are facing this situation a generation early, we have had some challenges. My sister's family and and mine both have young children and are still trying to do youth sports, school activities, volunteer programs at school and ballance our careers, just as eveyone has to--we have to add in care for our Grandmother. Last year I learned more about the Medicare Perscription Drug Benefit than most people my age. We have been able to work it out-- Each family brings a unique skill set to help with the workload--and we are able to divide responsibilities and visits. Our children are able to know their Great-Grandmother. Our next challenges will be 1)deciding when we need the next level of care for her and 2) when one of us is reassigned by the military. --Anonymous , Burke, VA (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Submitted by Lindsay Parsons My mother, showing off a picture of the two of us at her Australian facility's reception. (they email me with pictures of her!)

A native of Missouri and an only child, I’ve been living in Australia now for more than twenty years. Two years ago, I relocated my mother to an aged care facility down under to have her close to me. She has dementia. My father is in a veteran’s home in Warrensburg since a stroke eight years ago. When he was fit, he wouldn't allow me to organise an Australian visa for him. "Australia owes me nothing!" Due to the current close relationship between the countries, we have a 'free trade agreement' making pensions and other paperwork transferable. All too late now! I’m so sad that I’m not able to have my dad down here as well, but the relocation of my mother has been a huge success. Thank God for the frequent flier point system! I’ll see my Dad again (aged 89) in May. It is all too infrequent though. This is a very difficult time. --Lindsay Parsons, Sydney, New South Wales, MO (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

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