Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

I make a home for my Mom, age 91, and her 2 older sisters age 94 and 97 respectively. I am an unmarried only child with no kids of my own, (age 56). Neither of my aunts had children, so there's just me to navigate all the issues of health. transportation, finances, etc. as well as the mundane things of cleaning the house, doing the grocery shopping, etc. And, prior to the July 2006 storms, I also worked full-time for the Sociual Security Adm. where I've been 33 yrs. Before the storms came 7/18/06, all 3of the "old ladies" as they call themselves, were able to care for themselves. Prepare their own lunches, fix their own medication, etc. We were w/o power though for 9 days. Luckily I was able to get us all into the Sheraton the very next day, but somehow we all contracted gastroenteritis, and nothing has been right since. Once catastrophy after another happened like a plague from the Bible. The 94yr old developed blood-clots with her gastic problems and ended up in the hospital for 10 days. The 97 year old devloped a hemmorage in ehr 1 good eye and didn't tell me because my Mother had meanwhile developed pneumonia. dropped down to 82lbs, ended up in the hospital, then rehab. She had 2 falls (no breaks) but began to have anxiety attacks when she tried to stand. This went on for 3 months. I had to take a leave of absence to care for her. We're all on the mend now and I'm back at work part-of the time. But with these advanced ages, it'll only be a matter of time beofre something else befalls us. All I can say in this case is how grateful I have been to have friends who volunteered to shop, or who listened when I needed to complain. Without any other family to help all the decsion making is more than just stressful. It only points out how many care givers die before their charges from the stress of it all. --Anonymous , University City, MO (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Your Trading Places Series brought up some serious marriage stress for my husband and me. That is because, although she is dead now, caring for my husband's mother who had Alzheimer's Disease created some serious problems for our family. For years I have been a stay at home mom and my husband, who is an only child, worked full time. About twelve years ago, while I was home schooling our youngest child, we realized my husband's mother was not functioning well. She was a widow then living alone in her own home about a 330 mile drive from us. We eventually got a diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease for her. She was eighty-eight years old when we received this diagnosis. After the diagnosis we moved her into an assisted living facility near us. Dealing with my mother-in-law's Alzheimer's Disease and death was a major stress and challenge within our marriage for over eight years. Home schooling ended, I am sure in part, because of the work I had to do to deal with my mother-in-law's problem. Our youngest child, a teenager during part of this time, also ran away from home several times while we were dealing with mother-in-law generated crises. Moving mother-in-law to the assisted living facility was made more difficult because she refured to move. Yet we had to move her because we could not allow her living situation to continue to take such a heavy toll on our lives. But even after we move her we continued to have problems because the care at the facility where we placed her was at times admittedly substandard. To this day we feel the stress of having had such difficult problems in the middle of our marriage. Anyway, from this experience I came to an interesting conclusion about what is really the root of the elder care problem we spent so much time and energy dealing with. My opinion is that our modern medicine is oriented to fight against death at all cost. That makes good sense for young people. But as we age death becomes inevitable. It seems like for older people, from flu shots to coronary bypass surgery, we are fighting a hard battle against the grim reaper. Yet we know this battle is already lost. I believe many of us younger people, including our children, are paying a high price for fighting this losing battle against the grim reaper for elderly family members. I have seen statistics that say about half of all people eighty-five years old and older have some form of dementia. That sounds like an epidemic in our older population. Often epidemics have roots in lifestyles. If this dementia epidemic has a root in lifestyle, I believe that root is modern medicine's ability to prolong life without the ability to effectively treat the debilitating effects of advanced age. --Betty Cuddeford, Olympia, WA (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

My name is Rachel and I am 27 years old...my parents are 70 and 80! They are going to move from St. Louis to San Jose in 1 week so that I can take care of them since they cannot stay at their assisted living facility due to my mothers recent amputations. This is a unique situation beacuse I am so young, unmarried, and I have no children. It will be a challenge but my love for them will hopefully give me the strengh I need... I am also a nurse...that will help too. Sometimes I feel very alone and like none of my friends can relate to me because their parents are younger and active. It is hard but worth it, I think. --Rachel Mitalovich, San Jose, CA (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Five years ago my parents were both having major medical problems. I was driving 1 1/2 at least twice a week to check on them. They had just built an independent living facility here in Greenville, IL. One Sat. afternoon my husband and I went and picked them up to come to Greenville to see the facility. All the way there, my father said this won't be for us and I am not making up my mind today. I said just to look at the place - no strings. The facility was so nice and classy looking. They serve one meal a day and have activities for the residents. Both my parents said they would move in a soon as they sold their house. Everything fell into place and they sold their home and moved into the facility. Ten months later my mother passed away. My Dad was from the generation that Mom waited on him and and foot. He has survived on his own - of course, I have to pay his bills and he has a cleaning lady. He has survived double pneumonia twice and bleeding colons 3 times. I had a cancer scare 2 years ago and he was right there to help me through it. But, he now even tries different recipes. My Dad still loves the place and has become the spokesperson for the facility. Luckily it is only a mile from my house and I call everyday. He is 85 years old and still drives around our little town. I dread the day I will have to tell him he can not drive anymore - but know it will come someday. Thanks for your series. I am an only child and it is all up to me. --Sherri Stewart, Greenville, IL (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

Another aspect of “Trading Places” is for the older parents to make their own living arrangements so the children would not have to be faced with that. Both my husband and I had to deal with the problems of an aging and ill parent living far away. Not wanting our children to go through that we are leaving our home of almost 50 years in the St. Louis, Missouri area to move to a Retirement Community in Augusta, Maine near all three children. We can easily move from our independent living cottage to assisted care in the main building when necessary. It will be difficult to leave our friends and the amenities of living near a big city but being close to our children and grandchildren is important to us at this stage of our lives. --Dorothy Davis, St. Louis, MO (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

I have been more touched by your series than anything else I've seen on national TV in years, primarily because I just finished this journey last fall with my own parents. Dad died in October at 82 after 3 years of gradually worsening stroke-related issues, and Mom followed him in December at 93 due to old age and dementia. We have been thru the full gamet of issues you have discussed; we were incredibly blessed that they were both 'children of the depression' so saved a lot, and thank God finances were never an issue in making our decisions. They spent the last 2.5 years in a small group residence home that was wonderful; very much like the home you featured last week for the dementia patients. In our case, it is a two-facility family run business in Seattle called "Fleming Home"; primary staff are young Mexican women, who together and individually have changed 180 degreess my opinions on the imigration issues that are under debate in this country. In any case, I didn't mean to go on so long; just a practical point - last night, Dr. Snyderman was talking about the huge issue of taking away the car keys. We went thru this with Dad after his second stroke, and my brother and I got nowhere - what finally did it was his doctor looking him in the eye and asking "Bill, do you want to kill someone you don't know?" His difficult reply was "of course not", but the doctor partnering with us to be the "bad cop" on this issue was the key to finally getting Dad to stop wanting to drive, and we had no trouble thereafter. Just wanted to share that with you. Again, great series that I have already recommended to frineds who are now or going to come to this portion of their lives quickly. --Sid Hoagland, Seattle, WA (submitted on Feb. 23, 2007)

MORE FROM NIGHTLY NEWS WITH BRIAN WILLIAMS

Nightly News with Brian Williams Section Front

Planned crib recall largest in history   Retailers hoping for a holiday miracle   Health reform's fragile coalition   Kennedy flap exposes Catholic divide   Medal of Honor recipient Alejandro Ruiz dies   Work resumes at Three Mile Island after leak   Saturn moon ready for its close-up   Hollywood finds otherworldly hit in ‘Twilight’   Palin visits Fort Bragg on book tour   Margaret Thatcher attends unveiling of portrait Nightly News with Brian Williams Section Front   Add Nightly News with Brian Williams headlines to your news reader: