Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

When my parents became ill and bedridden, I quit my job to take care of them full-time. I knew how much they sacrificed to put me through college, so I felt if it takes ten years, I will take care of them. It was good to get to know them again for I was away, school and career, for so long. Much of the day involved, cooking, cleaning, home maintenance and just being there if a crisis developed. After my father died, I had to liquidate all my assets to save our home from foreclosure, just before my mother was diagnosed with dementia. Putting her in unfamiliar surroundings was not acceptable, but my experience gave me a new respect for the nursing industry. The final years of my parents were safe and comfortable. After finishing their estate, I am now in a position to look after myself. But I am out of money, trying to find a job and facing eviction from my apartment as a result of my parental responsibilities, but I have no regrets. The welfare of my parents were my top priority. My time with them was not idle. I learned much about home repair and maintenance. Through my efforts, their home sold after being on the market for just three months. Considering the amount of medicine they were taken, the local pharmacy knew me by name. I am thankful my parents had good retirement benefits. Just taking my mother, wheel-chair bound, to the doctors was an all-day job, but I didn't mind for it was good to get her out of the house once in a while. I learned in taking care of my parents, that there is an intrinsic isolation and loneliness the elderly feel. They often feel they have no one to reach out to. I hope to use my knowledge of engineering and science to develop ways to improve the standard of living for the elderly. Already, I helped one of my mothers friends to save $200 a month on her phone bills. She exclaimed that the savings covered the cost of her medicine. Her gratitude was a good thing to see. Perhaps we will learn that the elderly are not a burden, but a wonderful resource of experience, wisdom and history that we are too ready to file away in retirement homes. We need to take time explore the wonder of each other before they are gone forever. --Anonymous , Cleveland, OH (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

A few years ago my mom was diagnosed with mild dementia. It began when she got lost driving to the ball field to watch her grandaughters play softball. Slowly other problems would manifest themselves. Her checkbook would have an unorthorized withdrawel. People would call her home and say they were from "the bank" or "the federal government" and they needed her bank account number to make a deposit. She would give it to them. I had to close her account twice in 6 months. Than I changed her phone number to unlisted. We had to take her car away finally because her reaction time had decreased. My mom is taking aricept which has helped some, but this year I notice more and more changes. She fell a few weeks ago and now lives with me but goes home during the day. We had to turn off the stove because she was burning food. She has a caregiver 2 hours a day to help with showers, laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. It is very hard to watch her decline but I think God has helped my sister and I manage - her medicine, doctor appointments, finances, bills, grocery shopping etc. She always helped my sister and I through our whole lives - now it is our turn. She just turned 85 and we had a lovely family party and a luncheon with her 10 girlfriends. She looked beautiful and was very happy to see so many family and friends. I don't know what next year will bring but I hope to provide for her care as long as I can. My sister and I both work full time and we both have husbands who help and support us all the time. --Anonymous , Middletown, RI (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

Thank you so much for this series of programs. My Dad and Mom came to live with us one week before my Dad had a serious stroke. It took 3 people to lift him and weeks of therapy so that he could feed himself. It was a nightmare the last week of his life. He died May 31st, 2006 and we all: my husband and our adult son, Nathan, became physically ill from the overwhelming responsibility and grief. Mom is still with us and will be until she dies. She's been newly diagnosed with mild dementia and requires supervision around the clock. I intended to work for a few more years but am only able to work part-time while she sleeps. We thought we were alone and it seems to help to know that we are not. Maybe not for us, but in the future there will be a better way for all involved. My heart goes out to the others that have written in. I know what it is like and yet I would do it all over again but there would have been a PLAN in place first. Thank you for listening. Southern IN. --Anonymous (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

I have 2 kids, Erich who is 13 and Ashley who is 7 and of course my husband John who is now gone for his 2nd tour in Iraq. Six months after my husband returned home from his 1st tour in Iraq, my mom was diagnosed with a rare form of ovarian cancer. When I received the devistating call from my dad, my husband was deployed to New Orleans for hurricane Catrina. I couldn't reach my husband so I sent him a Red Cross message letting him know that I was pulling our 2 kids out of school and heading home to care for my parents. My mother went through 6 months of chemotherapy and was told she had no more cancer. Four months later, we were hit with the news that the cancer was back and this time the tumor she had was too big to be removed with surgery so they would try more chemotherapy to hopefully srink it. It did not work so now my mom is under Hospice care. I want people to know that they should not view Hospice as a death sentence but view it as a better way of living. Before Hospice, my mom was in bed 22 hours a day, laying there dying and had no life. Ever since Hospice got her pain under control, she is back to her old self, laughing, visiting with family and friends, playing with the grandchildren and much more. Yes she is going to die but no one knows when but I can truly say she is will have lived a happy life until the end. There is so much more to my story but I know you receive so many you can't hear it all. If anything just please pass on my message of Hospice. --June Lehmann, El Paso, TX (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

My Mom and I have been watching this every night. It has made us both cry. I am 37 and my Mom is 80. My Father passed away when I was nine. Mom and I are really best friends. It is not easy for her to let me help her and it is not easy for me to see she cannot do the things she used to do. We are a team and we talk things out. We must look funny to some people especially when I take her to the doctor. I ask her to hold on to me and she sort of hits at me because she doesn't want to look like an invalid and I hit back to hang on to me. She is very stubborn and keeps saying she doesn't want to be a burden to me. She isn't. I feel so blessed to still have her and am fearful of the day she isn't with me. She was 52 when my Dad passed away and vowed she was going to get me through college. She did on a railroad pension. She had to learn how to drive and enrolled me in a private catholic college. I owe everything I am to her and simply want to give to her what she gave to me which was love, respect and security. She gets mad when I buy her clothes. She says "What am I to do with all of these?" I tell her to wear them. She wants to save them for good. We were cleaning out our closets this past fall and I found clothes she still had not worn with tags still on them! She grew up durning the depression and has this attitude she can go without. I don't consider my being there for her a sacrafice, but rather a gift. I guesss what I would like for people to realize is that we all are going to be old one day if we are lucky and to treat the older adult with considration and respect. How do we want to be treated when it is our turn? It is truly that simple. There is a lot to consider yes but communication before the day happens is essential. Does it hurt to sit with my Mom and discuss her funeral arrangements? Yes. It is awful because I don't want to face it. However that is not fair to her. We talk about everything and sometimes laugh and cry and even argue. We argue about stupid things like when I am cooking and she asks me if I sprayed the pan. Did I tell you I am 37? I have learned to just say "Yes Mom thanks for reminding me." She reminds me all the time of what needs to be done and I would be lost without her. When she is gone I know I will hear her in my ear just like I hear my Dad. Point and case. This last summer I was trying to change the blade on my mower. It was not going well when I suddenly felt the presence of my Dad and I turned the socket wrench the other way and it worked. I truly believe when they pass they really never leave us, but when they are here we should be greatful and reap what they know and not discount who or what they are simply because they are old. Thanks for such touching and awesome stories. --Donna White, Lewiston, MN (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

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