Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

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FIRSTPERSON

MORE | LEGAL INFORMATION

Aging without children — who provides care?
As baby boomers age, many of them are facing old age without a family to care for them. NBC's Nancy Snyderman reports.

When a parent is dying, every last moment is precious

Video: Buying time for Dad

Submitted by Phyllis Vanderpool
My mom (Patricia Brown) and 2 of her granddaughters (Caitlin and Abby)

My mom is 77 yrs old and lives 1 mile from me, we live in TN. My brother lives in IN and our dad passed away in '01 from cirrhosis. Mom is type 2 diabetic, has diabetic retinopathy (currently undergoing treatments with laser surgery and injections of Avastin), plus in the past yr and half she has had 3 falls, 2 of the falls resulting in a cracked shoulder, fractured right ankle, and torn cartilage in her left knee. She has been hospitalized for pneumonia and severe UTI twice in the past yr. Also in the past week her doctor found a hard lump in her right breast and now we have to find out what is going on there. I have power of attorney, she has all of her funeral arrangements made. I have found someone to come in and do housecleaning for her, which has helped alot. Right now we are trying to find help for her in regards to a system like LifeAlert and we are trying to find the right one for her, plus any other items that might help her in her home in order for to remain as independent for as long as she can. If it comes down to it my husband has said that she can move in with us, we would sell her house, but as it is our home is crowded with our 4 yr old and 14-month old daughters, plus sometimes my husband's older kids come to visit. At times I feel that I am raising 3 kids whenever my mom is ill and needing me to take care of her. It's hard as she is my best friend and also my kids only grandparent, plus she helps me every now and then when she is up to it on watching them. I'm going through the other stories on here to find out how others are handling issues with their aging parents. Thank you so much for doing this report and sharing all the info.
--Phyllis Vanderpool, McMinnville, TN (submitted on Feb. 25, 2007)

I can certaintly understand what many of your viewers are going through when it comes to caring for your elderly parents. I never once thought that the responsibility would solely be on my shoulders to care for my parents, especially since I am a middle child. However it did due to the fact that my Mom while still being of sound mind and body made the decision to give me power of attorney in the presence of the whole family. I at the time of the signing thought that it meant having to make medical and financial decisions when they (my parents) were not able to. Well, boy was I wrong. To my siblings it meant that I would have total responsibility for everything from Drs. apts, grocery shopping, learning to give insulin shots to my mom and care for her in my home by my self 24/7. Also had to leave my husband of 5 years alone in Germany to return to Tx. and care for both parents, because neither of my siblings were willing to take on the responsibility. When my Mom passed away in 2005 I was so lost but yet had to be strong and keep it together for I still had my 87 year old Dad to care for. I would have loved every minute of caring for him were it not for the fact that he had been diagnosed with Alzheimers two years prior. I had to attend supports groups just to be able to deal with the negative conversations that my Dad had with me everytime I went over to visit with him. I would always kiss him and hug him upon my departure and kept a smile on my face , but the minute I sat in my truck for my drive home I would break down and cry like a baby. In 2006, ten months after my Mom passed our Dad also passed away. Needless to say I turned my life upside down to devote my time to them and am now financially devestated not to mention emotionally drained. I now live in Georgia, with peace of mind knowing that I did everyting I could to make their last years as comfortable as I possibly could. I am starting my life over at 53, and alone but wouldn't change a single thing. Caring for your parents , with patience and understanding is one of the most rewarding and God loving thing a daughter or son will ever go through. My whole outlook on life has changed for the better because of my parents.
--Millie Arredondo, Covington, GA (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

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I, too, have an elderly parent who is now in a nursing home. One thing I have been especially concerned about is the fact that a lot of the family stories I have seen on your show indicate how much families are depleting their savings paying for care for their family members. It might be very helpful if you did some segments on Medicaid which has been a true Godsend for us. Even though my mother has some income, that money goes into an income trust which I administer and pays for part of her nursing home bill. Medicaid pays the remainder. One of your stories indicated that one family was paying $3,000.00 out of their savings which might be able to be replaced by Medicaid.
--Robert Dunlap, Hilton Head Island, SC (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

I have watched all your stories on trading places. They have been very good and I like all the NBC Family Members. However, what you have shown is more what I would call"Watching Over" your parents."Caring For Your Parents" is what my sister and I did with our parents. They required Us to give them 24/7 care. Taking blood pressure 3 times a day ,giving our mother her insinlin.checking blood sugar.giving medicine,getting their medicine, taking them to the doctor,making sure she took her asthma inhalers,calcium pills,spending time at the hospital and on and on and on and on...... Now our parents have both died and we are left with very little money because we spent most of our time taking care of them. They couldn't afford fancy nursing homes and the medical bills were huge. We loved our parents and took care of them, but now we have to scape up enough money every month to pay our bills. We had no social life ,met no one and haven't married. Caring for yout parents is a lot different than "watching over them." At the time when we did it ,we thought only of their health and time goes by and before you know ,we were so worn out that we didn't realize what we were giving up . Please show our point of veiw, also.
--whitney jefferson (submitted on Feb. 24, 2007)

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