Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

My Mom came to live with me unexpectedly after Hurricane Katrina filled her home with 2 feet of water destroying all of her possessions with water damage and mold. After we evacuated together and lived with my sister in Washington for a couple of months, it was clear that when we returned to New Orleans my Mom wouldn't be able to afford her own place again, housing was at a premium. We made the decision that she would come and live with me, even though she still very capable of taking care of herself. After Katrina I have seen a change in my Mom. She isn't as confident in herself anymore and making decisions is a difficult task for her. Having to start over so late in life and loosing things like her pictures of my father who died many years ago, shook her to her core. I have started to see a decline in her health to which I will have to start taking a more active role in everyday activities like doctor's appointments. I truly believe that it is due to the stress that Katrina caused her and our family. Even though Katrina was a horrible ordeal for us, I'm blessed to have my Mom living with me. As a single mother, she and I have become a great team tackling the household chores and life together. In the end, this has been a blessing in disguise. --Anonymous , New Orleans, LA (submitted on Feb. 27, 2007)

I have been watching the show and it has been very good. My sister takes care of my 102 year old Grandmother and it is not easy but she is very patient. She retired from her job two years ago. I am no where near retirement and my Mother now lives with me. She is on no medication and although recovering from cancer years ago she is still blessed to be active. I would love to give asome insite into the world that our aged parents are now facing and some of the obstacles. I recently had to change her health, dental, car insurance and social security benefits. It gave me a glimpse at the way they are treated and the technology age that they no nothing about. My Mother can barily at age 86 handle the remote control let alone drive herself to take care of business that requires quick answers and forethought. They donot understand something as simple as the social security PC's that require you confirm your appointment on the computer. I wonder how do some seniors get along without someone or do they? I recently heard a Detist holler at a patient and I was upset. While not my Mother it was someones? Yes we now have to care for our parents and it is not easy but someone has to do it they definitely need help. --Anonymous , Philadelphia, PA (submitted on Feb. 26, 2007)

Brian, I wanted to share with you about my 105 year old grandmother, Isabelle Audette who lives in the Copper County of northern Michigan She lives by herself in same house she bought during the depression. Because she refuses to go to a assisted living home and her children are old themselves (in their 80's), my grandma lives alone caring for herself. (This must be some kind of a record!). She has Meals to Wheels delivered every day and has a Helper who comes daily and does household tasks for her. This arragement works very well for her, although her family worries about her from time to time. She still has her right mind and spends her days talking on the phone, watching TV or listening to Tiger baseball or GB Packer football. She is quiet an amazing woman at 105. --Fay Bush, Grand Rapids,, MI (submitted on Feb. 26, 2007)

This is actually my dad's story. After my mother past away 5 years ago, my father was going to stay in Arizona. 5 months later, my grandmother fell in her home in Illinois. My 72 year old dad drove across country and brought grandma back to stay in Arizona. The summers were too hot, so for the next 2 years, they would travel back to Illinois. This year the trip was too difficult so my 73 year old father is staying in Illinois to take care of his 96 year old mother. My dad's 62 year old brother also moved into the house and my dad is now supporting him as well. Dad is doing all of the housework, cooking as well as pay all the bills, all on his monthly social security check. He truly is an inspiration to the rest of the family! --Tara Spielberger, Mesa, AZ (submitted on Feb. 26, 2007)

I visit a nursing home once a week. Not because I have a loved one there, but because they deserve more respect than our society affords them. Most elderly are eventually forgotten by their families. Even with the best of intentions, family visits become infrequent as time passes. These beautiful, wrinkled, grey-haired people often share with me their feeling of rejection and pain. We (the younger society) underestimate the gut-wrenching feeling of loss they experience. I hold them when they cry and try (in my own way) to give them a reason to live. They were not always elderly. Most owned companies, owned homes, made influential decisions, made sacrifices for their families and were well-respected in the community during their younger years. Now they are stipped of their youth, their contributions, their family's attention and their self-respect. Most die in the nursing home with strangers (not family) at their side. (It's certianly not how I want to spend my final years.) Our elderly do not have to spend the last years of their life in this type of loneliness and humiliation. Most of the elderly I've encountered could actually age in the comfort of their home if they had a parttime caregiver to offset the additional responsibility to the family. Our American lifestyle seldom allows us to take time for ourselves, much less our aging parents. But one day, they--the elderly--will be us. And it will be our children deciding which nursing home we die in. I hope that I've instilled enough respect for the elderly into my children so that they decide that I'm worth the extra trouble of hiring a caregiver. I dont want them to lose respect for me because I sit in a wheelchair or need help dressing myself. I want to know that I'm loved. And the only way I will know that is if I have the opportunity to age with my family, in my house. Fortunately, I know the owner of a national caregiving agency (MyCareGiverCoach.com) so I understand what my options will be as I age. I've also heard enough heart-wrenching stories from the elderly that I will be planning now...while I'm in my 40's...to help my children make the best decision for me. --M. L. Thomas, Rolla, MO (submitted on Feb. 26, 2007)

I've been seeing your series on caring for older parents. I lost my father a few years ago after a 15 year battle with Alzheimer's. As a 40 year old with 2 young children, it's almost like taking care of another child. And it can be very stressful. Additionally, one thing I haven't heard much of is the role of neighbors helping to care for the elderly. My elderly neighbor has no "reliable" help. Being a widower and living alone is cause for concern. He is still fairly self-sufficient, but doesn't eat well, sometimes forgets things and may need help with little things. But, in return, he's like a father to me. He's always willing to lend a helping hand for things around the house and the yard. I just wish we, as children, took more of a responsibility to take care of our elderly "parents" as they did for us those many years. I know the stresses of life on parents with children, working, doctor appointments, soccer games, etc. I also know the stresses of not working - my husband and myself were both laid off our jobs this year and currently looking for job. But it only takes a few minutes a day, a phone call, a stop over on the way home from work just to check on those elderly who need us just as much as we need them. --Anonymous , Springfield, OH (submitted on Feb. 26, 2007)

Looking at your series has been fascinating, but the voice of those being cared for has not been strong enough. For that reason, I am sharing my daughter's story as I live it. I am an "undocumented citizen", born in the United States during a time when Jim Crow said it was not necessary to issue birth certificates for people like me. Depending on the source, I am either 88 or 93 years old. I have lived long enough and through enough to not worry about "not knowing", but of course, it makes a difference financially. It means that Social Security benefits may have been unfairly delayed and to this day not correctly calculated. I have health insurance, but it does not have any benefits to cover my primary illness, dementia. The services and supports I need to stay at home average $3,000 per month - all at personal expense. I am a recent widow. My husband died unexpectedly at 90, probably because he couldn't afford the help needed to have someone care for me. He assumed complete responsibility for my care while trying to manage his cancer, diabetes and heart disease. It was just too much. Just as in the days of Jim Crow, access to health care and support services remains a "white only" privilege. I challenge anyone to "trade places" with me and survive! I have been displaced from my home, friends and surroundings of 55 yrs. and diagnosed with "failure to thrive". Quite the contrary, I am thriving in spite of the inadequate services provided by Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, the Veteran's Administration and Army retirement systems. When my husband died, I was left with a folder full of government protocols and a monthly income of about $300. The VA offered a plot in a national cemetery, but made no mention of the Aid/Attendant Benefit or any other support. I think I qualify for the assistance after watching your show, but the VA requires a mound of documentation to review a request. Unfortunately, they do not offer assistance in negotiating the layers of paperwork so you end up discouraged and quit or die trying. Social Security took 1 year to review and adjust my monthly benefits. The Rockville, Maryland office refused to help me because I would not accept a reduction in benefits. They literally hung up on me and sent me a letter of non-compliance to close my case. If it were not for the regional team in New Mexico, my case would have remained closed. My husband died believing he left everything in place for me to be okay. Through God's favor, I remain with my family, but at great expense and sacrifice. I have a strange form of dementia that allows me to remember from my heart when my mind fails. My circle of familiar is very limited, but I know right from wrong. What is happening to older people in this country is wrong. If you want a real story, stop by anytime. I can show you a side of life no one wants to see because then something would have to change. I am too old to be afraid of the truth - what about you? --Anonymous , Bethesda, MD (submitted on Feb. 25, 2007)

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