Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

Submitted by Tara Shifflett Anna Lillian MacElroy Barrett (May May) is beautician on the left. 1929 Philidelphia, Pa

Caring for our 93 year old mother who had Alzheimer’s and wheelchair bound was a trying both physical and emotional task. My brother, sister and I all cared for May May until she passed away. We managed by having a weekday daytime caregiver and split her residence between our 3 homes. Alternating her location every weekend so everyone had a break. This also kept her active. She remained part of the family and accompanied us on outing including shopping, birthdays and Sunday rides. Grandchildren and great grandchildren all have stories of May May which may not have existed had she been in a nursing home. Below is a family email of one of these stories. I have also attached a picture of May May in 1929. She was a beautician in Philadelphia. Can you imagine what it was like to have a perm back then? She is the lady on the left. --Tara Shifflett, Stanardsville, VA (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

I have enjoyed you report on aging parents and it has reminded me of just how much my mom has sacrificed her whole life for her family, especially her mom (my grandmother). My mom and dad divorced when my brothers (2) and sisters (2) and I were high school age and under. She never complained about the sacrifices she made to keep food on the table, supporting us in extra-curricular activities and keeping a roof over our head. She has and still is there for us, even as adults with our own lives, we remain a close family. My mom works as a receptionist at a nursing home facility where many years ago, reluctantly my grandmother (her mom) was admitted as a resident. My grandmother has and still is a very independent woman. My mom now lives and manages to take care of a house that belonged to my grandmother. She makes sure my grandmother feels comfortable and loved. She washes her clothes, shops for groceries and spends quality time with her on a daily basis. She often neglects taking better care of herself, but does not complain. She has spent her whole life taking care of her family the best she has know how, by simply giving us her love and support. I could go on and tell you of the many obstacles she has overcome (ex. death of her father while she was pregnant with me, divorce from my father, open heart surgery 5 yrs. ago at 60 yrs. old, having the flu over the holidays, to the most recent, frozen pipe bursting above her kitchen bringing the whole ceiling down) but she moves on one day at a time. She is the strongest person I know and I can only hope to be half the person she is. She has more love and compassion for her family first and others than anyone I know. --Kim Gasper, Bellefonte, PA (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

Submitted by Elizabeth Skoog Left to Right Elizabeth, Helene 17, Ross 20, Hilda (Elizabeth's Mom), Anita (Neil's Mom) Neil

Our story begins in 2003 when Mom and Dad came for a "visit" from northern Minnesota which was to be Thanksgiving through Christmas.Dad had had dementia for the past five years, Mom being of her strong German heritage had taken care of Dad with no help.It was apparent two weeks after they arrived that Mom needed help.Neil and I discussed it extended an inivitation to Mom to make her new home with us, which after much thought, she accepted.At the time we still had our three children at home, 21, 17, 13.It took all of us working together to help with caring for Dad, in the end we couldn't have done it without the Angels from Hospice who helped to care for him.Dad was called home by the Lord August 5, 2004. Mom had divided up her home among her 5 kids and the house was sold.We told mom she really needed to make her permanent home with us. After much discussion, Neil and I extended the same invitation to his mother to make her new home with us.So in the end the three of us went together and added on to our existing home.They each have their own 17 x24 bedroom and private handicap accessible bath, a central family room and a full basement to store their "special things" they kept.It has taken almost four years to blend the family. We have since seen two of our children move out on their own.The "Moms" as I refer to them or my "86 year old twins!" are doing fairly well.Fortunatly for the "moms" being in their 80s are still faily self sufficient.Each cares for themself, each has their own apartment size washer and dryer and are able to keep their rooms clean and live how they are comfortable. My mom has macular degeneration, a pacemaker, atrilphib, and has had two knee replacements. With help from the Low Vision organization she is able to still read her correspondence with the help of magnifier hook up for the television and enjoys books on cd and tape.Anita has some minor health issues including depression, Neil is now monitoring her medication.Neither drives and does not care to use the senior transportation that is offered.Neil and I make the doctor appointments and go in with them to take notes so we can refresh their memory later.Shopping trips are taken together when they feel like getting out and many of our family vacations are taken with everyone.The moms are still able to care for themselves enough that Neil and I are able to get away on mini vacations.Those days will come to an end when the moms will require more care. It is a lot of hard work, to make the blended family work, it is hard on the moms, who raised their families and ran their homes for more than 50-60 years. It is also hard on our family who has given up time with our children to make this work. It's a lot of hard work, some days it works and some days it doesn't, but Neil and I know we are doing the right thing for our parents. Fortunatly, our children have survived although, to be honest, I don't see Neil and I moving in with any of our children! --Elizabeth Skoog, Ostrander, OH (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

Submitted by Linda Forman My mother did a commercial for a furniture store about five years ago. It is a small store, but with a good deal of merchandise inside. The premise was that things are not always as they seem. In the actual commerical, the camera follows my mother from the back, from the boots up to the rider of motorcylce taking off a pair of gloves, to the tee shirt, and then shows my mother's face. She did this commercial in her late 70s and my brother, sister, and I are quite proud of her.

I am enjoying your Trading Places! Now I don't feel alone in my journey here. I moved back to help my aging parents 9 years ago. I lost my mother in 2006. But I have the most wonderfull 8years of memories of her and the things we did together. Our saturday lunches, shopping, cleaning her home, taking care of her bills and most of all us walking arm and arm. Sometimes we would spend weekends together and I would fix meals for her and serve her. Her anniversary is coming up February 28th, she'll be gone a year. Now I am caring for my 85 year old father. Two years ago I had to make a difficult decision to place him in a nursing home when I couldn't stay home and care for him because I had to work. His mental capabilities were changing and he couldn't remember to take his medications. Due to him not remember his medications, it was causing health problems, even when his medications were setup for him once a week by his home health nurse. His physician felt he could no longer stay at his apartment anymore. I took him home from the hospital and cared for him for 3 weeks and found out I could not do this and I needed help. So I made the decision as I mentioned above. I knew my siblings didn't like the decision but they didn't dare say anything to me about it. Because I would have responded that if they would had help dad and me he would not be here. To this day I still feel guilty but his home health nurse and community nurse said I did the right thing. He is doing alot better in spite of having been in the hospital for other ailments. But I feel if he didn't have these wonderful caregivers caring for him. he would be already gone. He has his own room, in which my dad calls it his apartment. He enjoys the other fellas that are there and even teases the nurses and nurses aides. Even the other family members know Mr. Clarence Reynolds. As I sit with him in the lobby, where he likes to sit in see the action going, he tells me who is who. It has been very cold here in Iowa so my dad and I haven't went out for ice cream. But I do bring to ice cream to him. His favorite is vanilla and his favorite place to go for ice cream if TCB'Y. I wished I had a image to send you but I don't do to well with that on the computer. Again thank you for your series it just shows we all are not along in this journey! --velma reynolds, Sioux City, IA (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

We have enjoyed your series on "Trading Places" but of the first two reports you have had you haven't covered trying to take care of a parent who is not financially able to be in an assisted living place. We took care of my parents in our home, father with Alzheimers who died in 1991 and Mother who died at 93 in 2001. Now we are taking care of my husband's mother with Alzheimers in her home next door. Thankfully we do get help with Community Long Term Care with bathing and sitting but otherwise we are on our own. We are retired and had great plans of traveling after working since we were teenagers, but things have turned out differently. We try to keep the mindset that this is a privilege and not a chore but are not always successful. It is so important that younger people realize the need to prepare for their older years - save as much as you can. Make the necessary arrangements, i.e. insurance, savings, etc. By the way Brian, my husband will not let me change the channel every night until you say Good Night and then he says Good Night Bud, see you tomorrow night. It has become a joke at 7:00 every night. --Anita Miller, Simpsonville, SC (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

Submitted by Anonymous Me and Grandma.

My husband and I have seen the first 2 segments of 'Trading Places' and have truly enjoyed them... I thought I'd submit this picture. It's me with my grandmother who's been in a nursing home for many years. Though I am unable to care for her, I visit every chance I get. It's a joy to see the big smile she gets when I show up…as well as others. I make sure to say hi to other residents as a smile can make someone's day. I love my grandma and am happy she is getting the care she needs. I understand this segment is about parents, but Grandparents are indeed included in that. --Anonymous , St. Paul, MN (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

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