Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

Submitted by Carol Nelson A trip my sister and I took to NY with our mother- just before the cancer diagnosis My father and myself on a towpath in Bucks County Not sure if this is what you want.

Lsst night my father called me and said I want you to tell our story to NBC. He had seen the segment of Tim Russert and his father. Our story probably mirrors others in our generation - my parents have lived much longer than their parents. With aging came the inevitable health problems, but they remained stubbornly independent in their own home and very young at heart. It was a joy for our families and our children to have them so involved in our lives fo so many years. Three years ago that changed when at 81, our mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. From the moment of discovery all of our lives changed dramatically. My sister and I travelled by car 8 hours from Bucks County PA to Chagrin Falls Ohio every two to three weeks spending long weekends. Sometimes together, sometimes taking turns, sometimes with our daughters or our husbands. We both work full-time and felt enormous guilt that we could not be there more often, but when we went we threw ourselves into her care and helped our Dad with many of the things she was no longer able to do. She battled her cancer, never talking about her pain, but always so optimistic and in such good spirits. She took every form of chemotherapy and clinical trial available and she survived for an astonishing three years. Our visits became more frequent this past fall, soon after she told us she could not do anymore chemo and in late November we lost her. The most wonderful part for us was the extraordinary care she received from Hospice in her last days. She died at peace, with dignity and surrounded by family. Now we care for our father, helping him put their house on the market, with financial matters, boxing up 53 years of marriage and getting our father ready for a retirement community. We would like him to relocate near us, but after living most of his adult life in a small village and still seeing a few old friends he does not want to make that kind of change. So the pattern of trips to Ohio continues as we try to help our father knowing that we can never fully repay all that he and our mother did for us. --Carol Nelson, Newtown, PA (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

I just wanted to say I am enjoying the stories of caring for aging parents a great deal. I work with the elderly, and it is truly my passion. Each day I help both the aging and their families in seeking out the resources, support system, and ideas they need to care for, and maintain a good quality of lifefor their loved ones. It is truly wonderful to see on your broadcast each evening examples of how well these things work. It is not easy to be the caregiver or understand all the emotions that come along with doing so, I applaud your network on sharing some of those stories with us. --Holly Troxell, knoxville, TN (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

Submitted by Linda Lane Da and Michele Christmas Eve 2006

I watched your special report on caring for your aging parents with great interest, as I have been taking care of mine since I was 16 years old. The youngest of four children and the only child still living at home, much of the care of my mother landed on me after she suffered a series of strokes in the spring of my sophomore year of high school. She spent the next six months in the hospital, until my father took her to Mayo Clinic in the fall. My mother was able to come home after her visit to Mayo, but she was unable to communicate, even though she could understand what was being said around her, and her left side was paralyzed. My father was still working, so that left the care of my mother to me during the summer, and after school. My parents were lower middle class and did not have the financial resources to afford the type of care that you show on your program night after night. Due to their health, I made decisions about my life based on how I could care for them. I went to college in town, instead of going away to college, and I chose to live in the same town in order to care for them. I am sure many, many people made these types of decisions, too; my story is not unique. But I think a far more interesting story would be to focus on adults in my type of situation, who are taking care of their parents while raising their own children. My mother passed away in 1998, 16 years after her first strokes. My father in now in his 80s, and we still have other issues to deal with in relationship to his independence. I feel like I have been taking care of my parents my entire life, and wish they had, or I had, the financial means that are required for them to be taken care of in the manner in which is displayed in the stories of Brian Williams or Tim Russett. I find it difficult to relate to their stories because it is so far removed from mine. I am happy that they have the resources available to them, but I would have been more interested in a story that focused on how the average person deals with aging parents. --Cindy Baker, Wayland, MI (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

As an only son of a 98 year old mother, I was in denial about her failing condition. She was 2900 miles away and my wife would nag me about her driving. I realized 2 years ago she was having one bad accident a year, no one thankfully ever got hurt, but I started to try to get her drivers license revoked, but to no avail. Finally she solved the problem by driving 500 miles in two days and getting lost in Virginia. A state trooper there got her off the road and into a hospital. Then we knew and moved her to California in an asisted living facility two blocks from our house. I decry now all the ads I see about reverse mortgages, medical alert buttons, and all the things we have developed to make seniors live alone. I am 74 and I know that most seniors can't live alone once they get to far past 80. They maybe physically fine, but mentally they decline faster. My mother lives between 1920 and 1960. She displays the same things everybody talks about. Stubborn, argumenative, selfish and frugal. Fortuenatly that did leave my mother with a sizable bank account, not wisely invested, that will see her through her life and can live comfortably in her assisted living, refusing to wear her hearing aids, refusing to put on clean clothes, and wanting to move back to Pennsylvania. --Douglas Lange, Santa Ana, CA (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

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