Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

Submitted by Mary-Beth McGrath Dad loves to dance, here he is dancing with my sister at a family birthday party.

Caring for Aging Parents strikes a chord deep within me, as well as my family. I am 44 years old, the youngest of 5 children, 4 living locally, to my aging parents. I, like so many others, am juggling the delicate act of raising a 9 year old, working full time as a manager for an insurance company, and then trying to do what I can for my parents. My father, aged 83 is suffering from Alzheimers--a devestatnig disease that attacks his brain in his otherwise healthy, fit body. On the other hand, my 83 year old mother who is primary caregiver, fbattles the physical changes of age but with a sharp mind. I frequently question which condition I would prefer were I in their unfortunate shoes. Although my sisters and I are united in wanting the best care for both of them in these trying days, the effects of the stress have revealed themselves, particularly this past year. Who should take them to the doctor? How can we do that if we all work? Who can babysit Dad so Mom can even go to church for some respite? Looking at email is just a reminder of how things are sliding downhill for them, and more that is needed. And then for me, at what tradeoff? I already work full time with a child at home. Do I trade time with her for time with them? Do I combine the 2 and then be faced with the relentless questions that come from seeing Dad in this state. I feel that there is no good answer. No matter how much or how little I take on, there comes with it the guilt--could I do more? Should I do more? And at some level that I try not to go to, I question what can I do so my daughter is not in this predicament when she grows up, so she is not bearing this heavy burden. My beloved father had the forethought to have purchased long term care insurance, realizing this disease could ultimately befall him with his family history. Dealing with the long term care carrier, and getting his claim processed was somewhat of a job in itself, a challenge I took on and won. I question how people who did not have someone to speak on their behalf ever make that work. My father Howie was a remarkable man, smart, friendly, loving, a veteran who worked on the Manhatten Project during WW2, who worked 2 jobs his whole life to put 5 daughters through college and give them the weddings they always dreamed of. Today we still have him here with us, if only in body. The mind is not there and we are caring for this gentle man and praying that his final memories are filled with loving family, giving back to him as he gave to me for all these years. --Mary-Beth McGrath, Attleboro, MA (submitted on Feb. 27, 2007)

My father is 90 years old and lives next door to me. He lived 80 miles from me until he needed his third hip replacement and never thought he would be able to function alone again. When HE TOLD ME he wanted to move to Huntington I ask the lady next door if she would consider selling her house and to our delight after some thought she said yes. He had surgery and is doing great on his fifth hip of his life. He misses living in Kentucky, but we are so thankful to have him next door. He makes yeast rolls, cornbread, apple pie and many goodies. It is a wonderful situation and I know how blessed we are. His medication is a bufferin and a multivitamin everyday, and he loves to tell that when asked about medication. He had pnuemonia in the fall and they thought he had lung cancer, but the leison is totally gone. He is the ninth of 12 children. He and one younger sister are all that remain of the family. He, Camden Garrett, is a WWII Veteran as a tank driver. He was in Patton's Army, Battle of the Bulge, and other battles. He lost his brother, Joe Wheeler Garrett, in WWII. He is buried in France. If you ever do any reunions for WWII I would love for him to be considered. He would love to see the buddies he spent 18 months with while serving his country. Thank you for your time. I have enjoyed so much your special. We lost my husbands mother this past October at the age of 92. We had looked out and cared for her since the death of her husband 35 years ago. We had to put her in a nursing home 4 1/2 years before her death because of needs. I guess you could say we were lucky because she had no money so medicaid and her income took care of her. Every time they would talk of cutting medicaid we would worry. We would not change a thing we have done for our parents. --Patricia Walker, Huntington, WV, WV (submitted on Feb. 27, 2007)

My grandmother worked as a broadcaster and was the first female division supervisor for the Voice of America. Fluent in several languages her stroke was particularly frustrating because it effects her word retrieval. A life in communications did not prepare her to struggle for nouns. Make no mistake, she is as sharp as ever, just searching for the right word. We though my grandmother was settled in with her government pension living relatively independently in her own home with a live in bi-lingual caretaker. Recently there was damage to her home that rendered it unlivable. We had no choice but to move my grandmother into my mother's small condo. Without the perc of room and board the long time caretaker has been forced to look for another job. Everything changed over night. At 92 years old we never expected to move my grandmother again, but here we are deciding what goes into storage, how we pay for the home repairs, and hoping we can sell the house for enough to cover her mortgage. Even the best laid plans change. My mother works full time running her own business (and has nothing saved for her own retirement) and now assumes more time caretaking than she had planned. I travel back and forth between Austin and Houston helping out as much as I can. Our sandwich generation is more like a club sandwich. I would wonder what the future will bring, but I am too busy helping out in the present. --Anonymous , Austin, TX (submitted on Feb. 26, 2007)

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