Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

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FIRSTPERSON

MORE | LEGAL INFORMATION

Aging without children — who provides care?
As baby boomers age, many of them are facing old age without a family to care for them. NBC's Nancy Snyderman reports.

When a parent is dying, every last moment is precious

Video: Buying time for Dad

Submitted by Anonymous
My Dad and I - Fathers Day 2006
My Mom and Dad were married for over 72 years. I convinced them to leave their home and Labor day 2006 they moved from their home of 51 years to an indenpendent living facility. My Mom hated it; she never wanted to leave the home that she loved, but she could not take care of it and either could my Dad. She was diagonosed with colon cancer 1 month after moving in and 1 month after that she died.--she was 95. So sad...my Dad, who will be 96 on the 20th of Feb. didn't know what to do with himself. Eventually he met someone...she is 83 and he takes care of her just like he did with my Mom. He is happy and it is unbelievable that he has found someone after my Mom. He is now in the assisted living section so that he can be across the hall from his friend. It is much easier for me now that he is no longer lonely and has a purpose, but it is much harder, too.
--Anonymous , Northbrook, IL (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

From the time I was a young teenager I cared for Mother who suffered from MS(Multiple Sclerosis). She was a single Mother therefore all she had was me. I learned to cook and clean at a very young age; for that I am now grateful!!! My Mother continued to work until 1996. At that time she filed for disability and recieved without any complications. Prior to doing that I married and we continued to live with her. We moved out and only went 2 miles down the road. I got pregnant and during the enitre 9 months I drove to her house at 7am to put her in her car so she could continue to work and have some since of independance. The janitor at her workplace got her out of her car every morning and in to the building. Finally around 1998 she had to go in a Nursing Home. She was forced to sell her home which she worked very hard to afford. I tried to care for her but was unable to do so while taking care of my new family and working 40 hours a week. I couldnt afford to quite my job. We contiplated buying a house that would accomodate her and her disableing needs but were unsucessful. She lived in a Nursing Home near our home until 2005 when she passed away from a terrible UTI that spread throughout her bloodstream. Sepsis. My Mother passed away yet still a very independant woman. Even though she lived in the nursing home for many years she continued to control her own life, finances(what little she had left) and her mental status. She was very much in control. My Mother was the most amazing woman I've ever known. She is still my idol and an inspiration to me every day!!!
--Elizabeth Hubbard, Suffolk, VA (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

Thank you so much for letting the world know how important it is to take care of these "jewels". As I write this my tears are falling uncontrollably because I lost my sweet Dad on the 23rd. of January. My Mother passed on Sept. 5, 2001 and my Dad greived every day of his life. He had many medical problems and gradually lost the battle he fought so courageously as he had lived his life. My two sisters and I were priveledged to be at his bedside at his passing as we had taken him home with Hospice care two months prior to his passing. He was at the home he had once shared with my Mother and had been so happy in with her. I am a registered nurse so I see first hand all these special people who need someone to step up for them as they did for their families for so many years. Thank you again for airing such a wonderful tribute to our seniors. I am grateful to my place of employment who allowed me the two months off to care for my Dad for the last two months of his life on this earth. The last week was the sweetest time I can remember with my Dad.
--Anonymous , Mount Carmel, TN (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

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My brother and I are caring for our 94 year old mother. I started out doing this on my own then my brother moved back from Chicago to help. He has sacrificed so much to be here to help me and our mom. We always promised her that she would not be in a nursing home. She is 94, has dementia but seems to enjoy her days singing and humming tunes from long ago. She was an elementary school teacher and loves to talk about teaching the "little ones." We are so blessed to have her with us and while it is difficult, particularly for my brother who handles all the heavy lifting, it is well worth seeing her smile and sing. I thank God everyday for such a wonderful mother and for my brother who has gone above and beyond to help us. So often we don't realize how much we can learn from the elderly. Even though my mother has memory loss, I continue to learn from her and appreciate all that she has done for us. The elderly are not to be ignored but to be cherished and honored and treated with dignity.
--Janet Stich, Akron, OH (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)
I wish I had had the opportunity to care for my parents in their old age. They retired to florida in 1978 and said that is where they would live, die and be buried. Mom died in 1981 at the age of 56. We tried to convince him to move back to Michigan but he would not, so we visited him when we could. Dad had female friends and lost another wife. Finally a lady saw his newspaper ad for a companion and became his friend. She would call daily, check his refrigerator and purchase groceries and necessities. And she would call us. In the end he passed alone at home while she was shopping for him. She found him and we were notified. But he got his wish... he is buried in a crypt in florida along with our mother. So be glad that you are able to care for your parents in their old age. Hopefully our children will !
--CARYN Vavrick, monroe, MI (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

My brother and I learned a lot about caring for my dad when our mom died. We were very close in contact with all of his doctors, and we learned that they don't mind talking with you about your parent's health issues, as long as it is to only one person in the family. They don't have time to make all of the extra phone calls. We respected their wishes and they were all very good to us. We also learned that if you become friends with the personnel, nurses, receptionhists, etc., who work at the retirement home, doctor's office, a lot of time, energy and worrying will be saved. Because my brother and I worked full time, all of them were only too happy in calling and arranging the medical van or the retirement home van to take my dad to see his doctors or to arrange for him to come back to the R.Home. The main thing is to be visible, proactive, assertive and aggressive in seeing that your parent/s are taken care of by all in a proper manner. When they lived in California, before moving back to the Chicago area, my brother and I took turns calling the hospital to see how our parents were. In that way the doctors and nurses knew that we were keeping tabs on them as well as our parents, and knew that even though we were far away, our parents had someone watching out for their welfare.
--Laraine Moss, Des Plaines, IL (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

Before he retired, my father-in-law, now deceased, lost an eye to glaucoma because he had no insurance and no doctor would treat him. He and his wife made $700 per month combined on Social Security, but under Texas state Medicaid standards, they made too much money to get medical coverage. My own parents, both mentally ill, both died in underfunded, understaffed, ugly public instutiions in Ohio. It is hard to relate to the problems of the families of news celebrities making $5 or $10 million a year. Bush's giveaways to the rich are a crime against humanity. People are dying out here, with little or no help, in the richest country in the world. And that is obscene.
--David Scott, Columbus, OH (submitted on Feb. 14, 2007)

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