Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

Submitted by Terry Thomas My loving parents

My parents lived in California and I encouraged them to consider relocating to Idaho, where I, as an only child could help them. This was about 5 years ago. My father, an aerospace engineer of 50 years, just passed away at age 85, and my mother is now 83. They built a townhouse about 10 minutes from me with thoughts to travel back and forth to Ca. and use the Boise residence for a second home. This was 5 years ago, and soon it became evident that they could not manage both places. I never made the step to have them sell the Ca. home that Dad so dearly loved. He just knew, and sold it 2 ½ years ago. I watched them decline....first physically, then mentally with dementia and alzheimers. They went from being ambulatory to using canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. My father remained ambulatory, but my mother did not. My father on his own, quit driving and I never had to approach that topic, but it was definitely approaching. I found that for everything I would offer to do, if accepted, soon became my chore.....from housekeeping, to laundry, then shopping and fiscal management. I began to assume all, as they could no longer do so. But it was my intent to keep them in their home, not in assisted living. Eventually, I was told by the medical professionals, that the personal care that I had coming to the house for 4 hours a day was not enough. It had to be 24 hr. care or a nursing home....for their safety. The biggest difficulty through this whole process when it came to care, was to have good personal care, and consistent care. I quickly found out that this is difficult to find, and at times, seemed almost impossible to attain. Careproviders associated with an agency were paid little and oftentimes, they were not considered reliable or trustworthy. This in combination with the stress of caring for your loved ones, was at times almost too much to bear. Finding the right provider, is the biggest key and if it can be done, the most difficult of this process can be made easier. Having a live-in did not appear to be the most feasible in this area, but eventually the right combination did come to play, at an expense. It became a costly adventure, but my well educated father, who had prepared well for his future, was able to live his final years in his own home, with pride and dignity. It is well worth the cost and I can have peace of mind knowing that I helped him to live with this dignity. My mother is still receiving this care, but definitely, she is at a nursing home level. She is 100% bedridden with little knowledge of surroundings. But she knows she is at home. It is an extremely difficult time for family, and actually, I am the only family. But if I had to do everything all over again, I would definitely repeat my actions. My parents have known love and caring, and the comfort of their home. --Terry Thomas, Boise, ID (submitted on Feb. 18, 2007)

Submitted by harold stoney just pic's of mom

my name is harold stoney,myself and my wife linda and our two children are the primary care givers for my 83 year old mother mary stoney. we have daily nures aide care in the home while we work ,however this situation like the ones you reported this week is challenging to our family. i do have one brother who gives us a break once monthly. most times it's my wife i with appointments, feedings,bathing,daily socalization and what ever comes up. mom's memory gets worst as the months go on, but is a joy to have around. lucky most of her care is financilly covered and no a draw on the family presently. i never had the opportunty to meet any of my grandparents i am happy my kids and family members have this lady to look up to and connect with. we thank our god daily for the strenght we need in this effort. thank you for sharing. --harold stoney, Yorktown, VA (submitted on Feb. 18, 2007)

Submitted by Christy Baker This is a picture of my Dad and me...what a joy he is in my life...

We lost my Mother in 1994..I thought we would lose my Dad as well...he grieved and grieved really hard...his sister told him to call an old girlfriend who she had kept in touch with in Texas. My Dad hadn't seen her in 50 years...she was his first love...they began talking on the phone and in October of that same year, he and I went to Texas to meet Josephine Leschber...well, needless to say they eventually married and I felt she had saved my Dad's life...in 1999 she died of cervical cancer and I watched him grieving and alone again...this has been the hardest time of my life...my Dad is 83 years old but thankfully is still pretty independent...his health is not very good so I know in the very near future he and I will have to make some decisions but for the time being, we're just taking one day at a time...I have a family who is very understanding of how I feel about my Dad...he and I do a lot together and I try to be there for him as much as possible...I call him every night at 9:00...all of his friends know that at 9:00 he waits for that phone call...he bakes a cookie called "Ranger cookies"...this recipe was given to him by Josephine and now he bakes cookies and takes them to friends in a nursing home and many people in the town where he lives...they all look for my Dad's cookies...during the day when he's able to get out and go places he's okay but with his health declining he isn't able to do much of that...it's the nights that are the worse for him...just the loneliness of the night...I love him more than words could ever say and thank God for everyday He allows my Dad to be with me...Brian, thank you so much for the report on you and your Dad...it touched my heart so much...I think this is one of the best programs ever...thank you for the chance to tell about my Dad...God bless you all...Christy Baker, Camden, SC --Christy Baker, Camden, SC (submitted on Feb. 18, 2007)

Submitted by Rosanne Mercado My mom and dad clebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at the nursing home in South Bend

My caregiving journey with my parents began 3 years ago when they were both diagnosed with dementia. For 2 years my husband and I traveled 140 miles on a regular basis to care for their needs. My father seemed to decline quite rapidly in his ability to walk so we sought a second opinion from a neurologist. Her conclusion was that he had a much more aggressive disease known as Lewy Body dementia. After we saw my mother losing weight, my father falling and their memory in further decline my husband and I decided to move them to an assisted living facility near our home in South Bend Indiana. This was a very difficult move which my mother strongly resisted since she had lived in their home for over 42 years. Unfortunately he continued to have falls in the assisted living facility and so after only 6 weeks we had to transfer him to a skilled nursing facility. This was also a difficult move since this meant separating him from his wife after 50 years of marriage. Initially my daily schedule involved picking up my mom from the assisted living facility to visit my father, help him eat his supper, and then later help him back to his bed. He later developed difficulty in swallowing and so I ended up taking a month off from work to help my dad with his meals, which ended up being a 2 hour effort for each meal. Then last month my father developed aspiration pneumonia and he passed away at the age of 75. It certainly has been a difficult and exhausting journey which isn’t over since my mom is now a widow who because of Alzheimer disease needs 24 hour supervision. Yet despite all the work that my husband and I have put into their care, we do not regret what we have done because they are my parents who at this stage in their lives have needed our care. --Rosanne Mercado, South Bend, IN (submitted on Feb. 18, 2007)

MORE FROM NIGHTLY NEWS

Nightly News Section Front

World markets get no bounce from bailout   Lehman CEO: 'What could I have done differently?'   Obama gains ground as voters focus on economy   Palin's popularity out of sync with qualification rating   Back pain epidemic outpaces treatment options   New president could mean new Supreme Court   300 penguins airlifted back home Nightly News Section Front   Add Nightly News headlines to your news reader: