Trading Places: Personal stories from viewers

Submitted by JENNIFER GODFREY Delores loves the companionship of our dog Buster and he loves it when she sneaks him some food at the dinner table.

My mother in law Delores, is a frail 82 year old suffering from Parkinson's, diabetes, dementia, CHF, arthritis and the list goes on... She had been living at an assited living facility for some time but after a reassessment- she was no longer qualified to live in her apartment plus the staff was becoming over burdened by her high level of care. Additionally, we were informed that she was being considered for nursing home placement- so my husband and I swiftly intervened. In the past, I worked as a CNA for years in numerous long term care facitlities plus just about every unit in hospitals from the Jersey Shore to Palm Beach and now western WA. Over the years, I kept my nursing certifications active, so, I felt compelled to spring into action and told my husband it was our duty to provide for her. It has been almost 4 months now since her move into our home and she is very grateful! Just the other day, while we were watching Oprah's segment on "the Secret" she looked over at me and said the best thing I ever did was move in here. It really touched me and made me realize that through all of the difficulties and adjustments such as dealing with many family issues, giving up my job, modifing our home, suffering from countless sleepness nights and at times feeling alone and over burdened, it was all worth it to hear her say those words. Since living with us, the most difficult adjustment for her in the beginning was converting back to an informal home environment. For example, she insisted on carrying her purse from room to room, would never take off her shoes and felt anxious about sitting at the dining room table by a certain time. Also, she had been use to the assisted living's schedule- dressed by 6am, breakfast by 7am and then the she would be so tired for the rest of the day she would often dose off numerous times. Now, we sleep in and she awakes on her own accord and not by a rushed worker, she decides what she wants for breakfast and sometimes we eat breakfast in our pajamas and robes! At night, we stay up till whenever we want instead of the intial 7pm bedtime. Also, she received her very first WA state photo ID card. (she never drove nor ever had a driver's license- a problem in an ID theft world for setting up a new bank account) knows what Starbucks means, surfed the internet for Christmas gifts, watched her granddaughter's basket ball game, girls day out for manicures, spending weekends with her grandchildren etc.,.... these ae all things she would have missed out on living in an institution. My husband and I are very grateful that all of us are sharing our lives together and that we have the means and support to provide for most of her wants and desires. Just recently, our 85 year young Britt neighbor, my husbands teenager's, Delores and myself shared a wonderful weekend together. It was great to see all of the generations sharing our life stories at the dinner table, the way it should be! --JENNIFER GODFREY, Snohomish, WA (submitted on Feb. 21, 2007)

I am twenty three years old and the guardian of my beautiful 86 year old grandmother, Kathryn. Until two years ago, my mother, Janine, had been the primary caretaker for my grandmother. However, a year and a half ago, in a horrible turn of events, my darling mother passed away unexpectedly from complications with a liver disease. As you can imagine, this turned mine and my sister's world completely upside down. Before we were able to begin managing our grief, we were overwhelmed by questions about how to physically and financially care for my grandmother. Adding to the difficulty, my grandmother and sister live in San Antonio, TX and I live in Los Angeles, CA. To really understand the complexity of our situation, you really have to know my grandmother. She is an extremely delightful, extremely hardheaded, and extremely flirty woman, all of which are accented by her dimentia. Initially, after a health scare that put her in the hospital, we attempted to put my grandmother in an assisted living facility, hoping it would give her the social and physical companionship she needs, as well as the medical assistance (she's diabetic and is shaky while walking unassisted). After only three months, assisted living wasn't providing the environment my grandmother wanted. Because of her mild dementia, the facility placed her in an alzheimer's facility with patients who could hardly appreciate her glowing and youthful personality. Also, due to her limited income, she could only afford to live in a shared room, without her pets or privacy. Knowing that financially and logistically, bringing my grandmother home would be nearly impossible, my sister and I chose to bring my grandmother home and have 24hr a day care at her house. Although my sister and I are happy my grandmother is happy at home with her pets, she isn't aware of the coordination and effort it taking to keep it happening. Every month she loses a large chunk of money and eventually she'll run out of money and again we'll have to come up with a way to care for my grandma. --Anonymous , Los Angeles, CA (submitted on Feb. 21, 2007)

When my mom first mentioned - probably 15 years ago that she and my dad had "Nursing home insurance" it sounded like a bit of a scam to me. Little did I know that this Long Term care insurance would make it possible for my mother to continue living in her own home with the help of a home health aide for a year after my father's death . It also allowed her to get into a good nursing home since she was able to pay privately for six months before she became eligible for Medicaid. The Long term Care Insurance was a life saver - It allowed my mom to remain independent until the time came when she required 24 hour skilled nursing - It was a brilliant move on her part and it made life a lot easier for my brother and I. --Jill Remaly, Nyack, NY (submitted on Feb. 21, 2007)

I have just seen this evening's story and could not help but notice that the man was a veteran. I have served as a veterans service officer in Florida for over 13 years and can not count the number of veterans, their spouses and widows who I and my fellow service officers throughout Florida, as well as many other states, have helped get VA benefits to help pay for assisted living/nursing home costs. These programs have been a God send to countless individuals throughout the US. Many times it makes a difference in individuals simply being able to afford a decent facility or possibly upgrading their level of care. I would receommend that you include something on VA programs during your series as the hardest part of our job is getting the word out to veterans and their families. Thank you for your outstanding service to your viewers in bringing these type of crucial issues to the forefront. --Fred Harrop, Parrish, FL (submitted on Feb. 21, 2007)

Yes, I am in that "sandwich generation" too. Your stories each and every night have been striking a huge cord with me and I look forward to more advice and hearing that I am not alone in this situation. Fortunately my two parents (both 80 yrs. old and married 60 years!) HAVE planned ahead....where they want to be, financially investing in that proposition, etc. The one thing they haven't counted on is the WAY they will feel and coping on a daily basis is difficult. They live in a wonderful continuum care facilty, my mother in skilled care, my father in assisted living. THANK YOU SO MUCH, Brian, I appreciate your efforts and support with this much-needed program. --Sarah Green, Blue Springs, MO (submitted on Feb. 21, 2007)

We have developed a unique idea by building many (6) assisted living homes together in one neighborhood. This way our residents get the homey feel they want and like while at the same time giving them the advantages of multiple homes. Some of these advantages are better caregiver to resident ratios 1:5, more activities, and home cooked meals. Our new homes are lovely with all private suites and private bathrooms. Each home has a large shared kitchen, dining room, and living room in the center with the suites surrounding. One of the benefits of this design is that the caregivers are never over thirty steps away from any suite. If you would please take a look at our website: www.innovativeseniorliving.com it will give you a better understanding of what we are all about. My mother is 89 and gave us a lot of feedback that we used in the design of these homes. (My parents have lived through the "Sandwich Generation" with their mothers. This occured in the early 80's and at that time Nursing Homes were the only option. The institutional setting was discouraging but at that time there was no alternative). We started this project because we saw over 300 homes around Tucson, and although the care might be good, the environment was very depressing. We also interviewed several senior citizens and they shared that a large open home with lots of light with private rooms and private bathrooms would be to their liking. They also wanted interraction between homes so that if they weren't close to any of the other nine residents in their home they could strike up friendships in other homes. We do this with Happy Hours and over 30 outside activities that are brought into the homes each month. The residents then visit each other's homes depending on the activity. We also urge the residents to make new intergenerational friends by having five different schools come to "The Villas" with lots of students. These students play games, walk, talk, read, and go through photo albums with the the residents. The energy these students bring to the property is tremendous. Finally, last summer one of our residents asked me if the story on National Public Radio, they had heard the day before, was about us. I told them it was not, but that the "Greenhouse Project" as it was called, was very similar to what we were building. --Bobby Larson, Tucson, AZ (submitted on Feb. 20, 2007)

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