How to get over a breakup and move on

When it comes to dating, making sense of men’s puzzling behavior isn’t always cut and dry. If you’ve found yourself analyzing his text messages and playing back his voicemails for your friends for their insights, Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt, who were contributors to HBO’s “Sex and the City,” may have advice for you. Tuccillo and Behrendt were invited on TODAY to discuss the new, expanded edition of their book, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Read an excerpt:

Life After He’s Just Not That Into You
From Liz:
There’s nothing like co-writing a book called He’s Just Not That Into You, to make you relive every mistake you’ve ever made in your love life and reminisce about all the wonderful men that have ever rejected you. Let me tell you, it was really fun. I came to realize that I literally made every mistake in the book. I also understood that the reason I was the one who suggested writing this book to Greg was because I was the one that needed to read it the most. (I think I figured that out when I saw the look of outright horror and pity on Greg’s face as I was telling him my approximately twentieth horrible dating story. Good times.) But the great news is that while writing it I experienced all the things that many women who have read the book told us they went through — the epiphanies, the empowerment, and the resolve that I was never going to make those mistakes again.  It did change the way I dated, thought about men and handled my relationships. This book, in many ways, changed my life. So, in case you didn’t already know, and at the risk of sounding completely horrid — I am not just a co-author of this book, I’m its number one fan.   

But when Greg and I were asked if there was anything more we wanted to add to this book, I knew that I did have something I wanted to get off my chest. As someone who took this book very much to heart, and yet is still out there dating, I felt that I wanted to discuss “life after He’s Just Not That Into You.” I started to experience a whole process after writing this book and implementing its basic philosophy in my life. I realized there were stages to this process, and they were very clear. I also heard and saw that other women were going through them as well. They may not have gone through the stages in the order that I did, or experienced all of them, as I have, but I have heard similar enough stories that I felt inclined to write them down in an order that made sense to me.

If you have just read this book for the first time or read the book but didn’t care for it so much, I am inclined to tell you to read no further. This section really is for the women who are fans of the book, who used it to make great changes in their lives — and are still out there dating.  It is a chapter that can only come with perspective — and I don’t want you to get ahead of yourself. For that reason, if you have just read He’s Just Not That Into You for the first time, I suggest putting this section down and reading it in a year or two – and only if you feel like you need a little extra encouragement. 

So here we go, the stages of Life After He’s Just Not That Into You, according to Liz.

NBC VIDEO Decoding men Feb. 6: Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt, authors of "Just Not That Into You," talk with TODAY's Al Roker about the newly expanded edition of their book, which includes answers to readers' most frequently asked questions. Today Relationship

Exaltation
(Otherwise known as: “He’s out of my phone and he’s out of my life!”)

The first thing that often happens after reading our book, is that you realize that we’re geniuses and we’ve changed your life. Okay, maybe not.  Maybe it doesn’t happen that quickly. (And maybe you don’t think we’re actual geniuses.) There might be some resistance at first.  Maybe you’re still holding on to a relationship or a crush that you aren’t willing to give up on yet. For some, there can be a slight depression, looking back and thinking about how much time you may have wasted. (Trust me, I understand.) But, for many, eventually Greg’s nagging, aggressive, slightly-annoying-at-times voice finally gets through. You are unable to ignore it any longer. You get out of the dead-end relationship. You realize the crush isn’t going to go anywhere. You stop texting that guy.  And lo and behold.  Pretty soon, you feel better. And not just like “Wow, I feel so much better.”  I mean better like when someone who has been punching you in the face for three hours finally stops — like ecstatically better.  You feel lighter, so light in fact you are floating. The dark cloud has lifted off of you and you can now achieve anything, because you are, in fact, a superfox.  Because you refuse to waste the pretty. You are powerful, sexy, beautiful and will not take any shit any more. The world has now changed.  It is not the sad, dark place where at every turn of a corner there was that guy who was making you feel small. The world is filled with love and hope and possibility because all your thoughts and time and energy have now been freed. You are elated and ready to soar.

You may even have a nice bout of beginner’s luck. When I just had finished writing the book, but it had not come out yet, and I was fully indoctrinated into the He’s Just Not That Into You mindset, I went to a party. There was a guy there who flirted with me. Everyone around us was giggling about how well it looked like we had hit it off. At the end of the flirty night, he gave me his website address and told me to have a look at these photographs he had taken and “email me and tell me what you think.” He left, and everyone I knew swarmed around me to find out what happened. I told them, and the only person who didn’t think it was completely exciting that this man gave me his website address was me — the girl with Greg’s pesky, sarcastic voice in her head saying “A website address?  He gave you his lousy website address? Wow, that’s lame.”

Lo and behold, the very next day he called me. Somehow website guy had miraculously figured out that he could get my number from our mutual friend, pick up a phone, call me and ask me out! Now, that particular gentleman didn’t ultimately work out, but it felt at the time that the great big Dating Gods were trying to send me a message that I was on the right track.

So. Step One. You see the light. You feel better. You realize we are the smartest people to ever have walked the planet. You may consider nominating us for a Nobel Prize. (We thank you for that sentiment, but feel it is perhaps over-estimating our contribution to the course of world events at this time.) But Greg and I are really glad we helped you feel better and make really positive changes in your life.

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