Eighty-five thousand dollars per second. That’s the price each advertiser paid to cram their 30-second commercial into this year’s Super Bowl broadcast. (To put it in perspective, that’s also how much Jessica Alba charges to let you touch her feet.) Eighty-five thousand dollars per second. That’s a lot of moolah. Yet the question remains: Was it worth it? And perhaps even more importantly, how much of that goes to Kevin Federline?

While there are certainly those who love the pomp, pageantry and man-on-man tushy slapping of the Super Bowl, there are others — such as myself — who ONLY watch it for the commercials. Advertising is an art form in and of itself; they are mini-films designed to move the audience, incite thought, and hopefully, encourage them to buy a Steak Chalupa or two. But in these days of cutthroat competition, it’s simply not enough to tout the superiority of your product. Advertisers need artistry, sidesplitting humor, and — if they really want to seal the deal — a washed-up celebrity.

When push comes to shove, in the crowded world of Super Bowl commercials, only former heavy hitters like Jay-Z, Robert Goulet, and yes, Kevin Federline can really make people sit up and take notice. Here’s our list of the top ten Super Bowl commercials of 2007 — and how a washed-up celebrity could have made each of them a little bit better!

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10: Revlon: “To dye for.” Now, I don’t want to tell Revlon how to do their job … but A HAIR COLOR COMMERCIAL DURING THE SUPER BOWL? They would’ve been better off handing over all their money to a monkey with a blowtorch. In this documentary-style production, once-popular singer Sheryl Crow hits the road, giving her hair a different Revlon shade on every leg of her concert tour—much to the eye-rolling chagrin of her personal male hair stylist! Oh, Puh-LEEZE!

Washed-up celebrity that would have made this better: If Carson Kressley from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy had played the hairdresser. No one can do “appalled” like he does.

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9: Bud Light: “Hitchhiking Serial Killer.” A man and his wife are traveling down a deserted road when they see a creepy hitchhiker carrying an axe — and a case of Bud Light. Naturally, the wife is horrified because he has an axe, and the guy wants to pick him up because he has beer … and therein lies the joke. The husband’s alcoholism has reached such an acute stage, he will happily sacrifice the lives of himself and his wife in order to knock back a couple of watery brews.

Washed-up celebrity that would have made this better: O.J. Simpson as the guy with the axe. (Okay, maybe there’s a good reason I don’t make a living writing commercials.)

8: Budweiser: “How Jay-Z Plays Football.” I’m not exactly sure, but I believe this commercial takes place in the far-flung future where wealthy washed-up rapper Jay-Z plays a holographic football game with some old guy who I can only assume is a former Super Bowl coach (proving I really do only watch the Super Bowl for the ads).

Washed-up celebrity that would have made this better: Look, I know Jay-Z no longer drinks Cristal—but really, “the king of beers”? Budweiser should’ve saved their money and hired that obese guy from The King of Queens.

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7: General Motors: “Robot Suicide.” I really like this commercial. A GM factory assembly line robot makes a mistake and is sent packing. After trying a number of jobs (including being the speaker box for a fast food drive-thru), he decides to end it all by jumping off a bridge — but surprise! It was just a dream, reminding the insecure little ‘bot he’d better start focusing on quality control.

Washed-up celebrity that would have made this better: Steve Guttenberg as the line foreman! Get it?! Because he was in that robot movie, Short Circuit? And… and… ahhhh… never mind.

6: Sierra Mist Free: “Beard Comb-over.” A boss informs his employee that his manner of dress makes it hard for others to concentrate on their work. The employee is livid even though he wears super short cut off jeans, roller skates, and a “comb-over beard.”

Washed-up celebrity that would have made this better: Donald Trump—and he wouldn’t even have to grow a beard!

CONTINUED : What are they selling?

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Superbowl XLI

What ads needed? More has-beens please

The 10 best Super Bowl spots, and who should have been included in each