‘American Idol’ finds big dreams in Big Apple

Of course, “Idol” would not be “Idol” without the talentless trying out, and New York was over the top in this aspect as well.

Ian Bernardo, last seen failing to place on “So You Think You Can Dance,” threatened viewers by saying he won’t stop performing until he’s a household name. He’ll likely get that based on the clips from this episode that have probably already made their way onto YouTube, but not because of any talent. Bernardo’s version of “Gloria” sounded like a warped record, and he ranted at the judges when they predictably turned him down.

He also trashed California (“Hollywood is New Jersey with celebrities”) and England (“On every show, we need a British [expletive] to judge us Americans, and I’m sick of it.”). So while he didn’t make it to the next round on “Idol,” he seems like a natural candidate for talk radio.

Bernardo was the most delusional contestant, but Sarah Goldberg was at once the most self-aware and the most clueless. She knew she couldn’t sing. Heck, she told the judges her friends made fun of her because she was tone-deaf. But she thought she could be the next American Idol anyway because the judges could teach her the tricks of the trade and mold her into a superstar.

Of course, Goldberg got rejected, and then probably got a couple of the security guards fired. She said that they told her that the judges had been out drinking until 3 AM, “and that is RUDE!” Indeed, Simon missed the morning of the second day’s rehearsals, proving that Manhattan isn’t exactly Vegas. What happens in New York, shows up on national television.

Isadora Furman claimed to be clairvoyant, but couldn’t predict that she’d perform as poorly as she did, and also had a hard time keeping track of what day it was. But besides those three, the other rejected contestants were more tragic than humorous.

Ashanti Johnson had already made it to Hollywood twice, but the third time wasn’t the charm. The judges turned her away, and she responded with the kind of impassioned appeal that gets standing ovations on Broadway. Sadly, the judges were as heartless as any theatre critic, and her pleas fell on deaf ears. At 28, her “Idol” dreams are over.

Sadder still was Nakia Claiborne. She started out, vibrant, energetic, and had the judges clapping and swaying to “Dancing in the Sheets.” But when she slowed down to sing a ballad, the flaws in her voice became more pronounced, and she didn’t get the golden ticket to Hollywood.

A supporter outside told her to cheer up, she could go back to Virginia, keep singing, and try again next year. But the devastated Claiborne wasn’t optimistic. “Sometimes, you get tired of hearing ‘no.’ And it’s not just singing — you get tired of hearing ‘no.”

Unfortunately for Claiborne, this is the stage where the judges say “no” a lot more often than they say “yes.” Even in New York.

Craig Berman is a writer in Washington, D.C.

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