Midwest proves to be Midworst on ‘Idol’

Two Hours in Minneapolis.

It sounds like a horror movie, and indeed the Minnesota auditions weren’t a picnic for the judges. At one point, Randy called it “Minne-hopeless,” while Simon berated one reject by saying, “You have just summed up Minneapolis for me … useless in everything.”

But the real victims weren’t the traditional trio of Simon, Randy and Paula (augmented by Jewel as a guest judge). Nor were they the doomed contestants, who generally got off relatively easily.

This time, it was the audience who got the short end of the stick.

“Idol” enters its sixth season with a lot of momentum; it’s the bully on the block that other networks are scared to program against. Maybe the producers got together and decided that they missed the challenge of going against tough competition and thought they should level the playing field, or maybe the lawyers in Washington called and said that Fox risked antitrust violations for dominating Tuesday nights.

Either way, this wasn’t exactly an explosive start to the year. The top contestants weren’t that great, and the bad ones weren’t amusing enough to be worth the energy it takes to mock them.

Extended misery
This being the audition round, the focus was on the delusional wannabes whose lack of sufficient talent was obvious to everyone but themselves. Instead of using the two hours to highlight more people, however, “Idol” instead just let them drone on and on to chew up time.

‘AMERICAN IDOL’ RETURNS ‘Idol’ takes train-wreck TV to new level ‘Idol’s’ anthem: Unchecked ratings supremacy Midwest proves to be Midworst in premiere   Video: Randy talks about start of sixth season I want to be an 'Idol': Truth behind auditions   Images: Sights, sounds from Seattle auditions ‘Idol’ empire continues to grow | Numbers 5Top: Potential 'Idol' theme nights | Video 'Idol' smackdown: The best, worst, the rest

The extra minute or two of Jessica Rhode sobbing after hearing the bad news from the judges wasn’t really necessary. Nor were the multiple chances given to Jesse Holloway.

Trisha Giese did a great imitation of the Cowardly Lion from “Wizard of Oz,” one viewers heard about a dozen times before the night was through. It didn’t help. Tashawn Moore is hardly the first contestant to forget the words, but she may be the first who got five minutes of airtime to fumble through Prince’s “Kiss.”

Dayna Dooley’s boss flew her to Minneapolis for a second chance at auditions, and all it did was to get Jewel to protest when the male judges offered unsavory reasons for why a boss would choose to fly out his secretary. Considering the boss also took along his wife and the girl’s sister, and was going to a wedding, odds are good that Simon and Randy have just seen one too many late-night movies at the hotel.

Brenna Kyner claimed to have every episode of “American Idol” on tape, and a tattoo of a heart drawn for her by season five contestant Ace Young. But it only took a few seconds of Queen’s “Under Pressure” to realize that all those hours of TV-watching didn’t teach her what it takes to win.

On the other hand, Troy Benham claimed he’d never seen the show before, nor did he know who the judges were. That seems hard to believe, but at least he exhibited less ego than some of his rivals. “I didn’t say I was great, I didn’t say I was the best, and I never said I would be the next ‘American Idol,’” he said. He got axed both for not being good enough and not recognizing the importance of sticking to the clichéd script.

MORE FROM AMERICAN IDOL

Happy birthday, Simon, the best mean Brit ever

Happy birthday, Simon, the best mean Brit ever ‘Idol Gives Back’ returns to ‘American Idol’ Ellen brings EveryFan sensibility to ‘Idol’ Paula Abdul wishes Ellen luck on ‘Idol’   Add American Idol headlines to your news reader: