By his own admission, Sean Goff was guilty of killing and dismembering Joy Risker. That much the jurors knew. But was it a cold calculation? Or self preservation?

First degree murder? second degree? Manslaughter?  Or should he walk?

Yana, juror: It was a surreal experience. It still feels surreal, like it was a dream or something.

Justin, juror: Ihad this awful feeling we’d be there a couple of day.

Had defense attorney Arena succeeded in planting some doubt?

Defense attorney Albert Arena: My impression has changed. I just understand the concept of a defense attorney now.

Juror: Mr. Arena was a good guy.

Gillam, juror: Aarena had a very big mountain to climb and on some days he managed to climb pretty far.

Chudley, juror: Yeah he planted some great seed as far as trying to create that reasonable doubt.

But was it enough? 

Dateline’s conversation  with eight of the jurors sometimes seemed like group therapy.

Yana: Everything was just sooo unusual—the cruelty of it.

Keith Morrison, Dateline correspondent: Some of the stuff that occurred, some of the stories you heard, some of the evidence you saw.

Mary, juror: It was hideous. It was hideous, it was horrible. I lost sleep over it yeah.

Gillam: It was your last thought and your first thought.  It was your last thought when you went to bed and your first thought when you woke up. It consumed you.

Justin: It overtook your whole life.

But they listened carefully, especially when Sean Goff took the stand and claimed he was defending himself.

Chudley: It was insulting, his lies to us.

Gillam: He thought he had it all wrapped up though he was so full of himself. I definitely got the impression that it was his world and we were all living in it.

Mary: He was very arrogant.

And then, there was the question of Sean’s tears. Or, actually, the lack of them, even as he portrayed all that emotion.

Gillam: Like come on, just give us one tear, one tear.

Mary: And finally he got it and picked up a tissue and tried to blot. It was nothing. It was all just for show.

They just didn’t buy it.  And so within just two hours, they had a meeting of minds and handed the judge their verdict.

Judge (reading the verdict): We the jury in the above entitled cause find Sean Goff guilty of murder.

In September 2006, Sean Goff was  sentenced to 25 years to life.

And a few days later, we went to visit Mr. Goff in the local jail, where he awaited transfer to state prison.

It just happened to be the 19^th of September, a day with a certain significance.

Sean Goff: Three years ago today is when Joy died.

Morrison: Do you feel you have to put it that way?  It’s hard to say, “Three year ago today is the day I killed Joy.”

Sean Goff: Well, when it has been necessary to say so, I have.

It’s an unsettling  business, talking to a person like Sean Goff—bright, glib. He’s a man capable of chopping up his own spouse’s body and still finding ways to excuse himself.

Morrison: Wwere you in love with Joy?

Sean Goff: Yes. Yes, I was.

Morrison: --smitten?

Sean Goff: Yes.

Morrison: --she blew you away?

Sean Goff: uh-huh.

Morrison: This was a love match.

Sean Goff: Yes.

But, it was he who suffered, said Sean. His pain. His grief.  His ordeal.  For which he still blames—Joy.  Joy, who could not be allowed to oppose his will. 

Morrison: You can’t have her have her own way? If she really cares about it?

Sean Goff: No.

Morrison: Why not?

Sean Goff: In the situation it would’ve destroyed the rest of the family, giving her what she wanted.

Morrison: So I’ll kill her instead?

Sean Goff: No.

Morrison: How many times did you stab her?

Sean Goff: I am not aware of that.

Morrison: Like a dozen times or something. Her sternum sliced off… so when we look at that evidence any sane or rational person would say “This wasn’t just self defense, he lost it,” I mean “He lost it like he probably has never lost it before nor ever will again.” It was like the super bowl of losing it.

Sean Goff: I’m not averse to confessing something bad I’ve done. It’s not that I don’t believe I’ll be forgiven. The fact is that what typifies this event as self defense is how it began, not how it ended.

He has found peace, says Sean Goff.

Remember, he was a pastor once.

Morrison: Do you think your god forgive you for what you did?

Sean Goff: For the things I did wrong, he’s sent his son to die for and he’s not going to waste his son’s life.

As we spoke, he turned again and again to his central theme—his religious certainty.

Sean Goff: It has to do with me fulfilling the purpose I was created for.

Morrison: Wow, it’s pretty shocking idea that you may be. And I don’t mean to sound mean here but you were created for the purpose of killing Joy?

Sean Goff: No, that’s not what I am saying.

Morrison: Well, you did.

Sean Goff: I realize that....

What he meant, he said, was that he’s re-embraced his Christian ministry. His purpose, now, to help his fellow prisoners  seek and accept God’s forgiveness.

Morrison: You believe in heaven? And do you believe Joy is there now?

Sean Goff: Yes I do.

Morrison: So what will you say to her when you arrive there in heaven?

Sean Goff: I’ll tell her I’m sorry and I’ll tell her that I love her.

Morrison: What would she say to you?

Sean Goff: Being there, I think she will forgive me.

Among her friends and family, the pain of her death, the horrific story, is raw.  Joy was life, they said.

How could such evil be caused by a man who claimed to live by the laws of god?

Jill, Joy’s friend: It’s still surreal. 

Joy's friend:  She was a good person. She was wonderful. And she didn’t deserve that. Especially not from him.

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