Naomi Judd: Don't dread growing older

Singer and author Naomi Judd says that she is sick of society treating aging like an illness, something to be dreaded and avoided. In her new book, "Naomi's Guide to Aging Gratefully: Facts, Myths and Good News for Boomers," Judd argues that getting older isn't a curse but a rich opportunity for new experiences and greater contententment.

Here is an excerpt:

"If every day is an awakening, you will never grow old. You will just keep growing."
-- Gail Sheehy, author of Passages

Chapter 1 All About Eve: The Birth of a Notion
I got the determination to write Aging Gratefully after Grand magazine named me one of the top ten sexiest grandparents in the world. The list included Mick Jagger, Pierce Brosnan, Goldie Hawn, and Harrison Ford. I was proud to be included in what was a celebration of aging, and proof positive that Baby Boomers can be vital, exciting, healthy, productive, and yes, even sexy in their later years 'cause that's how I feel.

But the notion had already been brewing from my disquiet at society's growing prejudice against aging. Every time we see someone over fifty (if we see them at all) on television or in magazines, they're typically marginalized, or somehow portrayed as feeble or useless. Nothing could be farther from the truth! The first time Wy and I went to the fun house at the state fair while performing as the Judds, we were bemused at our grotesque images in the fun-house mirrors. But now this is how society's distorted reflection of aging feels today. Wy and I kept bumping into mirrors trying to navigate the maze. Suddenly we almost collided and Wy raised her hand to my face. Wondering aloud, she asked, "Are you real?"

Being Real
The number one cause of mental illness and unhappiness is not knowing who you are. This book is about looking in the mirror of truth and realizing and embracing who you are in mind and body and spirit. So instead of the most expensive over-the-counter cream or a visit to a plastic surgeon, think of these choices as your most effective weapon against fear of aging. Grab your bifocals or magnifying glasses and let's learn our options. I'm going to show you Grandma ain't what she used to be.

My friend Lily Tomlin says, "Anyone who writes a self-help book should first be able to prove they've helped themselves." So to begin every chapter, I'll reveal the personal story of my own experiences through the years. First I want to introduce you to a girl from my past named Naomi (name not a coincidence, as you will soon discover). She was a fellow student at Crabbe Grade School in Ashland, Kentucky. She was slow and unlovely. Every day I watched as Naomi walked by herself to our old stone schoolhouse. By contrast, as long as I can remember, people have told me how pretty I am. Seems it's only served to make me even more aware of how little external appearances mean. I didn't do anything to earn the looks or IQ with which I was born. Neither did Naomi. Neither did you.

Simonsays.com

We didn't get to choose the body or face with which we are born. Nor can we stop time from moving on. Somehow, even when I was in my early twenties, I intuited that basic reality. Maybe it was because I was in Hollywood, where I was becoming more and more upset about seeing people, especially women, allow themselves to be defined by our ever-changing, superficial culture. Thank goodness I began looking inward for my identity. I immediately felt less desperate. I realized that whenever I look at the fun-house mirror of society, I can remember it's only a distortion.

As I searched to figure out my values, I realized I value helping others. I left Hollywood to move us to Kentucky. My inner knowing steered me toward choosing to go to college and get a nursing degree. I valued a career in which character and caring matter more than the gift of genes. My patients didn't care what my face looked like, how old I was, or how much I weighed.

Shift happens. With this shift in my awareness, I felt more confident and more and more in control of my true self-image. I felt so much better about my future! I even went so far as to change my name from Diana Ellen Judd to Naomi Ellen Judd. Looking back, this early decision to change my first name, in recognition of that other Naomi (who still reminds me to be grateful) has helped preserve my sanity. I couldn't predict in the seventies that I would later be getting into the grandmother of all superficial and vain careers, showbiz. Somehow I have found my way in this most ageist of professions. I'm happier today at sixty-one than I've ever been. The critical steps I've learned along my journey are the ones I'm eager to share with you, dear reader.

It was a life-affirming breakthrough when I saw I could choose not to allow the culture, media, and some ad agency to impose harmful, unrealistic views and ideas about beauty, size, and age on me. Ever since then, I'm okay with growing older. I see it as something I'm going toward, rather than something to run away from. You can't stop the river, let's go with the flow. I've had a lot of ups and downs in my life -- married and with a child at eighteen, struggles with money and inappropriate men as a single mom, fame, fortune, and marriage to a wonderful man in my late thirties, forced retirement due to a supposed terminal illness in my late forties, and then the reinvention of myself as an author and a speaker, and with my own TV show in my fifties. I've survived so much stuff that my personal history (her story) is a testament to how not to sweat the stuff that's out of your control. When I can't control outer circumstances, I choose to change your reaction. That means you and I can change our reaction to aging too.

Aging is one of those things that you just can't control. As you and I grow older, changes in our physical appearance, as well as our mental capacity, are inevitable. Entropy isn't what it used to be (pun intended). We can't bargain with the clock, but we can react by making the best choices. One most important choice is to choose to be at peace with ourselves exactly as we are.

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